DoS jokes
A priest walks outside and finds two young boys sitting on a big ice cube. The priest asks what they are doing. The boys answer that the priest always likes a couple of cold ones before he goes on.
What were the astronauts' last words before the shuttle blew up?
"What does this button do...?"
What did Helen Keller's mother do to her when she was mad at her?
She left the plunger in the toilet, she put doorknobs on all the walls, and she rearranged the furniture.
What do you call a cupcake with no frosting? A frosting cupcake.
CEO Intrepid entrepreneur born in 1964, Jeffrey, Jeffrey Bezos.
Repeat, come on Jeffrey, you can do it, pave the way, put your back into it, tell us why, show us how, look at where you came from, look at you now.
Zuckerberg and Gates and Musk, they're the anchors, can make and sick it up there with drink their blood, come on Jeff get it! Dododoododododod
What do altar boys and strippers have in common? Father issues.
What do you do when a French kid steals your pencil?
Load your MP-40 and tell him that you give him a history lesson on WWII.
I photo bombed someone's selfie, and then they yelled, "Why would you do that? I was trying to take a family photo!"
Why do most orphans cook for themselves?
They don't have a home cook.
What do you call an orphan's family portrait?
A selfie.
What do you call someone who gets killed at 12 o'clock on New Year's? First kill of the match.
What cheese do monsters eat? Monsterella.
What do you call a deer that has no eye? No-eye deer!
What instrument do skeletons use? A trombone! Haha!
What do you call a black astronaut? A black astronaut, you racist.
What do you call a group of emos?
Limited Edition.
Why do I look nervous when I enter the church? Is it just because I'm the only one with the bomb?
This category is messed up.
My Mom died in 9/11, at least she was doing what she loved, flying planes.
What do you call Joe from Family Guy in an electric wheelchair?
RoboCop.
Me: Good night, everyone.
My friends and family: Night.
Me: *gets in coffin*
My family: *stares at my friends* You aren't going to do something?!?
My friends: *to my family* Nope, this is normal.