DoS jokes
If bedbugs live in beds, where do cockroaches live?
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn’t seem to be breathing, and his eyes are glazed.
The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?"
The operator says, "Calm down. I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead."
There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says, "OK, now what?"
What do pretzels and a corrupt government have in common?
They are both twisted.
What do Orphans say on Father's Day?
Well, not "Happy Father's Day."
What do you call an orphan's family picture?
A selfie.
Boss: Can I do a reference check?
Me: I don’t have a...
*sensei appears*
Me: oh no
Sensei: He was a good student, but he lacked kizma.
Boss: What's kiz...
Sensei:😈
Me: Oh no, here we go.
Sensei: Kizma AS-
What do you call a fat downie?
A couch potato.
What do you call a bunch of autistic kids in a box?
A toolbox.
Why are most politicians in the closet or gay?
Because all they can do is mandate.
What do dentists call their x-rays?
Tooth pics.
How do you make holy water?
You boil the hell out of it.
I tried to make a pun about cheese, but I couldn't think of any good "whey" to do it.
How do you organize a space party? You "planet" with some "cheddar" and "brie"-pare for launch!
What do you call a pile of cats? A meowtain.
What do you call a pile of cheese? A cheese grater.
How do you prevent a physics teacher from drowning? Shoot her before she touches the water.
What's the definition of suspicious?...
A nun doing sit-ups in a cucumber field. 💀
What do you call a blind German man?
A Nazi.
What do you call a movie with Arnold Schwarzenegger and Bill Cosby?
Predator.
What do babies and explosives have in common?
They both make a noise when you throw them.
What do you call a gay retard? Fruit and vegetable soup.