Diogenes jokes

Roses are dead, violets are dead. I am a bad gardener.

I got sent out of a library for putting a women's rights book in the fiction section.

I got kicked out of the school library for placing a women's rights book in the fiction section.

Helen Keller deaf-initely faked it!

Doctor: What makes you feel depressed?

Me: Seeing others happy.

Doctor: Ok, so what makes you happy?

Me: Seeing stupid people in misery or agony.

Doctor: Well, that's rather sadistic.

Me: Well, statistically one in two doctors have fingered a child...

Doctor: Do you want your prescription or shall I book you an endoscopy?

Me: There's nothing hidden inside me, I'm empty "smug face".