Dais jokes

Orphans' calendar consists of 362 days. Why?

Because they don't got homecoming, Father's Day, and Mother's Day.

I asked an orphan where his mom was. He started crying, so I said it again.

And well, that was my last day at the orphanage.

My grief counselor died the other day.

He was so good at his job, I don't even care.

One day a couple was walking when the man stepped on something hard and squishy, then they heard a sound from the bushes. Instead of looking down, they both ran.

Two years later, they turned on the TV to find Ted Bundy on trial. They asked him if he has ever been caught. He said, "No, but a couple was walking as soon as I killed a girl. I jumped into a bush. They didn't know I was there, but the man stepped on the dead body but didn't look down, then he and his girlfriend ran."

What’s the difference between a cat and a frog?

A cat has nine lives, and a frog croaks every day.

A brother and a sister always kept fighting. One day the brother said, "You're adopted!"

Then the sister replies, "At least they wanted me!"

The brother yells back, "Well, at first, when they didn't know you'd turn out like this."

My mum said not to walk the streets because I won't find home the next day. I was an orphan.

I told my dad I was self harming. The next day we talked about it and he said, "Hey you should CUT it out." It was funny but I couldn't bring myself to laugh at that.

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    • I don’t see why emo kids don’t like to hang around.

    I see them hang all day.

    I bought some shoes from a drug dealer.

    I don’t know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day!

    Why are hindustan bhai so good at Python?

    When they are hungry, they use Python and take credit card information ;). You know what they say, you give a man a curry and he eats for a day, you give a man a language and he eats for a lifetime.

    It was a sunny day and I was in school. I had history lessons and we had a cool subject! The subject was about Penaldo, the man who statpadded against small teams and camped in the pen spot! Our teacher showed us a map with marked countries in which Penaldo dived like a dolphin!

    On the 12th day of Christmas Peo Pessi gave to me:

    12 tap ins

    11 pointless dribbles

    10 fixed league titles

    9 missed penalties

    8-2

    6 dives

    500 million robbed from Barca

    4 UCL semi losses

    3 times he blamed Higuain

    2 retirements

    And a transfer to a farmers league.

    A guy stuffed some cigarettes up his eyes thinking it would make him see colors.

    The next day, he could see only one color... black.

    One day a rooster fell into a swimming pool and a cat laughed. And the moral of the story? A wet cock can always satisfy a pussy.

    A man walks up to Lil Johnny one day and asks, "If you had one wish, but that wish will be granted to everyone on Earth... what would it be?"

    So Lil Johnny thinks real hard and long, then said, "Well, I would wish for me to shit myself."

    The man is shocked and asks why, and Lil Johnny replies, "Well, I would be on the toilet. I think everyone else would just be confused!"

    Everyone: So, wait, let me get this straight. Feminists want to cancel Father's Day because it is offensive to single mothers.

    Feminists: Correct.

    Everyone: Then what the f*** is the point of Mother's Day?

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