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"When you have a dream, you've got to grab it and never let go Nothing is impossible There is nothing impossible to they who will try The bad news is time flies Life has got all those twists and turns Keep your face always toward the sunshine, and shadows will fall behind you.

SHREK

Written by

William Steig & Ted Elliott

SHREK Once upon a time there was a lovely princess. But she had an enchantment upon her of a fearful sort which could only be broken by love's first kiss. … Read more

I am the one, don't weigh a ton Don't need a gun to get respect up on the street (okay) Under the sun, the bastard son Will pop the Glock to feed himself and family (sheesh) By any means, your enemies my enemies We wet them up like a canteen (damn) The yellow tape surrounds the fate Don't have a face so now you late, open the gates

Great, eliminate like ElimiDate (woo) Hey, young boy had to penetrate (ooh) Face, you… Read more

This is completely a waist of time, but worth it at the same time.

*Dad's sitting on the couch reading news paper when wife walks in*

Husband: "This music.. Is the final boss coming? Or worse.. It's my wife..."

Wife: "You jobless monkey... Money to pay bills doesn't grow on tree's"

Husband: "Well it's no my fault.. And I was born poor *Over it* If I was son of Bill Gates I'd bathe in money.."

Wife: "First go bat… Read more

It turns out a major new study recently found that humans eat more bananas than monkeys. It’s true. I can’t remember the last time I ate a monkey.

Quick question- What’s something that’s popularly accepted to be ‘hot’ but is just a turn-off to you?

98% of Harvard students fail this riddle. I turn polar bears white and I will make you cry, I mean guys gotta pee and girls comb their hair. I make celebrities look stupid, and normal people look like celebrities. I make pancakes brown and your champagne bubble. If you squeeze me I'll pop, if you look at me you'll pop. Can you answer the riddle? Find the answer here on Monday around 10:50

I mistakenly sexted my wife’s sister A couple years ago I was on a business trip and missing my wife. I decided to take a suggestive picture (me in my boxer briefs, clearly with a bulge and just the tip sticking out the top) and send it to my wife. We don’t usually sext but I figured she’d appreciate knowing I was thinking of her.

It was late, I was tired, and barely paying attention. I accidentally sent it to her s… Read more

I kinda wanna stay here all alone keep to myself and just stay home Having to correct every thought I have might be part of the reason I feel sad But life supposedly gets easier this way Or so they say But I guess I just can't give in When the world tells me no I still feel it in my bones Yeah this is our society but i'm coming clean I'm still a believer Let's call a cab and we'll get out of town Two blocks down we'l… Read more

No one ever really likes me for more than just a couple weeks and ill push and push until you leave. & if you try n stick around ill try my best to let you down until you get sick of me. I hate having friends, I just bend and bend and bend them til they break. I guess i'm fake. You're not gonna stick around for more than just a couple rounds of this shit. People pack their bags and leave, and say they just need … Read more