Chance Jokes

Chesley, in horror, runs out of the cockpit of the plane coming from London, "I'm so very sorry, everyone. I punched the wrong buttons, and we are heading to DC instead of New York, and we are about to run out of fuel." He opens the door and turns around to the five passengers and exclaimed, "I've parachutes but miscounted. We only got four for the passengers." He jumps off.

Donald faced the other four and orders:

"I'm the greatest leader of the world, and I'll make the decision. Tony, you go first. Our country needs you. The whole wide world needs you. Pandemic is raging."

Tony jumps off.

"Francis, my friend, you go next. Pandemic is ravaging the mind and body of millions. Their soul needs saving. Save Vladimir's and Xi's for me."

Francis jumps off.

Hillary faced Donald furiously. "Who are you to make decisions for us? I should have been president. I'm the smartest woman in the whole world in history."

Hillary jumps off.

Donald gazed at the young woman and started talking: "I'm an old man. I have already lived a full life - beautiful wives, children, just a beautiful life. Just beautiful. I've become president of the most powerful country, the most beautiful, the richest. Regrets? I've made a few but did it my way. Greta, go on. Your future is bright. I just wish I can make my country great again and have the chance to help save the world with you. I believe in second chances. Look at my bankruptcies, believe me. And I wish I've played more golf and..."

Greta interjected, "Just shut the f* up. The plane is about to crash. Let's go and save the world. The smartest woman in history took my backpack!"

What time is it when you get a chance to take a car and drive all over?

Time to get in trouble!

I made an AR that shoots boo boo bullets. It does poison time 10x damage. You have a very good chance of getting STD. Very good AR. Going for 100,000. Email: EatandDrinkbouls@gmail.com

I’d make a joke to Fetty Wap on this, but there’s only a 50/50 chance he’ll SEE this.

Jack and Jill went up the hill 'cause Jack took a Viagra.

Jill was drunk, fell to her knee, Jack had his chance, did Jill till 3.

I'm funny but sad, I submit jokes you'll love. Look for my name in jokes you've read. Anyway.

What did the man with no hands get for his birthday? Gloves. Just kidding, he didn't have the chance to open the gifts.

My friend and I were walking down the street, and we saw this one disabled kid getting bullied by three other kids. Urgently, we sprinted over to help. He had no chance against the five of us.

This is a lot like anal sex.

You always miss 100% of the shots if you don't take it.

Baptism, a chance for the priest to bathe you.

If at first you don't succeed,

Maybe Russian Roulette isn't for you.

All my life I wanted to be somebody. I wanted to achieve something.

Now, after messing up my life at every possible chance, I finally realize that what I really want is to have been someone after following through with one thing.

My chance of finding love.

Two kids were beating up a kid in an alley, so I stepped in to help. He didn’t stand a chance against the three of us.

So there was this kid being bullied by four other kids. I decided to step in.

He didn’t stand a chance against the five of us.

I saw a man trying to rape a girl. I decided to help. She didn't stand a chance against both of us.

Cremation,

The last chance for a smoking hot body.

You're so lucky bullies don't have a chance to push you around anymore?

They'll get theirs when they're in a wheelchair?

You know when you sign up for something and it says "I'm not a robot"? I guess he never had the chance to tick that.

Girls are like blackjack; you shoot for 21, but I keep hitting 14.

I got into a fight with 1, 3, 5, 7, and 9. The odds were against me.