Cassandra jokes

when you use ancestry.com instead of tinder.

The last thing I told my ex after we broke up was, "At least we're still cousins!" 😂

What does it mean when a man has a dodgy past? It means he has skeletons in his closet.

What does it mean when a man likes Lana Del Rey better than Ed Sheeran? It means he has a closet full of women's leather pants (but no women in their dating history).

My sister's boyfriend is mad at me because I fucked his girl.

Roses are dead, violets are dead. I am a bad gardener.