What did A say to Y?
"You cannot be alpha like me." :)
Y said, "Why? (Y)"
So a woman was paranoid, so she had a dog to check to see if anything was wrong. She would always stick her hand under the bed, and if the dog licked her hand, then she was safe. One night, just before bed, she stuck her hand under the bed. She felt a lick, so she went to bed. In the middle of the night, she needed to go to the bathroom. So, she walked into the bathroom, and on the window, it said: "HUMANS CAN LICK TOO!" Then she was murdered.
Dad: Uh, yeah!
Son: Mom, Dad, what are you doing!
Parents: Sex!
Son: What?
Parents: Look, you can spectate!
A magician is driving, but then he "turns" into a driveway.
If you get this joke, you have no personality at all. Send all the help you can get:).
Why do ducks have feathers? So they can cover their butt quacks
Why are all women's feet small? So they can stand closer to the stove.
How do Chinese people name their children?
They drop a tin can down a flight of stairs and call them the sound that's made.
That one person who can never bring a smile to your face...
Until you push them down 3 flights of stairs.
Why do they put barcodes on the ships in Norway?
Why?
So when they come into port, they can Scan-de-navian.
What did the kid with cancer say? "Can-I see my mom one more time?"
Only a genius can say this.
I am stupid.
My girlfriend broke up with me today, but it’s ok.
She said we can still be cousins.
Three women were in heaven. The angel at the gates said, "How good the ride into heaven is for you, is determined by your commitment to your most recent partner."
The first lady says, "2 years, 2 side-hoes." She got an old lexus.
The second lady says, "10 years, 1 visit from a prostitute." She got a Mercedes-Benz.
The third lady says, "I never had a husband."
The angel says in response, "F*ck me and then you can have a lambo."
They all arrive in heaven, to see the second lady crying.
The first lady says, "I know we are dead, but it could be a lot worse."
"How!?" The third lady cries, "The angel has a flute for a d*ck!"
What's the only thing Mexicans can unwrap on Christmas? Tamales.
How many times can 46 go in to 8? Just hop in the van and find out
What do people that can only use half their face and wankers have in common?
They have both had a few strokes.
To the man in the wheelchair who stole my camouflage jacket: you can hide, but you can’t run.
What do you call a fish that can use a katana?
A salmon-rai.
What did the blind man say on Christmas?
"I can feel your presents!"
God creating cats.
GOD: Make the most fluffy cute thing you can think of.
ANGEL: Ok.......................................anything else?
GOD: YES, PUT RAZOR BLADES ON ITS FEET!!!!!!!!
