Canning jokes

What's the difference between a bird and jam?

You can ham your cock in a bird, but you can't bird your cock in a jam.

How can you make a orphans hand bleed?

Real them to clap until there parent come home.

Why is there bullying? They can handle it by themselves.

My girlfriend told me she was leaving me because I keep pretending to be a Transformer. I said, "No, wait! I can change."

I'll stop with the horrible puns if you can say a good joke.

What's the difference between a prostitute and a drug dealer?

The prostitute can wash her crack and sell it again.

Chuck Norris can gargle peanut butter.

My wife and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children.

If anybody does, please just send me your contact details, and we can drop them off tomorrow.

In the average room, there are about 2,894,638 items that Chuck Norris can use to kill you, including the room itself.

What's the difference between a blonde and a bowling ball?

I can only fit three fingers inside the bowling ball.

Roses are red, shit is brown, Get that dick out my ass so we can go to town.

A doctor tells a woman she can no longer touch anything alcoholic. So, she gets a divorce.

Kate: Can we have a threesome?

Trevor: Sure.

The lights go off and Trevor starts doing what he's supposed to be doing, and then he feels something going up his back end. He goes to punch the person behind him, but then he turns on the light, and it was Kate behind him, and he's been fucking the guy the whole time.

When it's cold outside, men can cut ice in three places.

What do cigarettes and hamsters have in common?

They can both be dangerous when you stick them in your mouth and light them on fire.

Genie: You can only have 3 wishes.

Man: I wish for more wishes.

Genie: You can’t wish for more wishes.

Man: I wish I could.

Genie: ......

My sister said, "Daddy can you pass the salt?" So I raped her.

Children are like farts.

You can only tolerate your own.

A little boy and a little girl are taking a bath together. The little girl looks down at the boy and says, "Can I touch it?" The little boy looks back at her and says, "Hell no, you already broke yours off!"

How are guys and tile floors alike?

If you lay them right the first time you can walk all over them for years.