What time is it when you get home can you walk walk home and walk walk home from school and walk walk home from school and walk walk home from school and walk walk home 🏡 night time and I can drive to the car tomorrow night
What time is it when you get home can you walk walk home and walk walk home from school and walk walk home 🏡 was your dinner 🍴 night and dinner 🍴 night
What’s the difference between morbid humor and dark humor? Dark humor is 10 babies in one trash can and morbid humor is 1 baby in 10 trash cans
What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.
Friend 1: How can the skeleton tell it was going to rain?
Me: He could feel it in his bones.
Friend 1: No, he read the forecast, you fucking idiot!
Heheh ;3
Tim and Tom were at work. Tim said, "I'm sick of this. I'm going to act like an idiot to get sent home." So Tim was on the roof saying, "I am a light bulb!" The boss walked in and said, "Tim, go home, you're acting like a dick!" Then Tom started packing up and Tim said, "Tom, why are you packing up?" Tom says, "I can't work in the fucking dark, can I?"
Employer: Can you perform under pressure?
Me: No, but I do a pretty good "Bohemian Rhapsody."
I can tell you a pun about a pencil, oh! Never mind, it’s pointless.
Let's get this right. What's the difference between an egg and a wank. You can beat an egg but you can't beat...
What is the difference between an egg and a wank? You can beat an egg but you...
Why do orphans love having sex?
Because they can finally call somebody "daddy."
What can you never tell an orphan?
Go home to your parents.
Why go across the street when you can just go down the hall, lol?
One day, Little Johnny saw his grandpa smoking his cigarettes. Little Johnny asked, "Grandpa, can I smoke some of your cigarettes?" His grandpa replied, "Can your penis reach your asshole?" "No," said Little Johnny. His grandpa replied, "Then you're not old enough."
The next day, Little Johnny saw his grandpa drinking beer. He asked, "Grandpa, can I drink some of your beer?" His grandpa replied, "Can your penis reach your asshole?" "No" said Little Johhny. "Then you're not old enough," his grandpa replied.
The next day, Little Johnny was eating cookies. His grandpa asked, "Can I have some of your cookies?" Little Johnny replied, "Can your penis reach your asshole?" His grandpa replied, "It most certainly can!" Little Johnny replied, "Then go fuck yourself."
What's the difference between a midget and a tall person? Only one of them can ride the rides.
What is the difference between a human and a tree and a human can walk and you can drive
What is the difference between a human and a tree and yyyyy night I can drive yyy earth 🌏?
What's the difference between an egg and a wank? You can beat an egg but you can't beat a wank
Q: What do the St. Louis Rams and Billy Graham have in common?
A: They both can make 70,000 people stand up and yell, “Jesus Christ.”
The coach of the Detroit Lions had put together the perfect football team. But then his quarterback got blindsided and was out for the season with a knee injury.
Then his backup went down with a concussion. He tried the trading route, free agents, but nobody any good was available.
One evening while watching the news from Iraq, he saw a young Iraqi soldier with an amazing arm. The soldier rifled a grenade on a perfect arc into a 4th story window from 100 yards, bam!
He tossed another directly into a tight group of 12 enemy fighters 80 yards away, ka-bam! Then a humvee passed, going 60 kph, boom! Another perfect shot!
Coach said to himself, "I got to have this guy. He's got the best arm I've ever seen!"
He tracks him down and convinces him to come to Detroit. The kid takes coaching perfectly, makes all the plays, and long story short, the Lions win the Super Bowl.
The Iraqi is now the Conquering Hero in pro football, and a huge story. But when the broadcast team tries to interview him, all he wants is to phone his mom.
"Mother," he yells over the phone, "We just won the Super Bowl!"
"Don't talk to me," the woman says. "You abandoned us. You can't be my son."
The young Iraqi begs, "Mom, you don't understand! Our team won the biggest game here in the U.S. Thousands of fans are screaming for me. The U.S. President is going to call me!"
"I don't care," his mother snaps. "Right now I can hear gunshots everywhere. Our block is like a ruin. Your brothers were beaten half to death last night, and your sister was nearly raped."
Then she says, "I can never forgive you for making us move to Detroit."
