Canning jokes

Hey, what's the puniest pun you can come up with?

Blonde: Can I suck you off? (has STDs on mouth)

Me: Naw (drake turn/dab)

Have you heard about my new can crushing job?

It's soda-pressing.

Three strangers have opened a gay chat; but if one left the chat, the chat would be closed.

Stranger 3: How to turn a straight guy into a gay guy?

Stranger 1: You can't!

Stranger 2: You can.

Stranger 3: How?

Stranger 2: By using the same idea of the Russian experiment; like in a detention, put him in a closed room full of gay stuff, but the difference is that he can sleep, and he will have food for 30 days and a toilet, too.

Stranger 3: Great idea, but who can we try first?

Stranger 1: You all gays are evil monsters.

Stranger 2: I think the stranger 1 is just a straight spy. Let's try this experi-

(The chat has been closed by stranger 1)

Can you fuck me, please?

There was this guy going to a bar. The guy asks for a drink. The bartender says, "I'll give you a drink if you can tell me a meta-joke."

So the guy replies,

OK. There was this guy going to a bar. The guy asks for a drink. The bartender says, "I'll give you a drink if you can tell me a meta-joke."

So the guy replies,

OK. There was this guy going to a bar. The guy asks for a drink. The bartender replies, "Here you go!"

So he gives the guy a drink. So he gives the guy a drink. So he gives the guy a drink.

I needed to take a phone call, so I went to the nearest exit. I guess you can say it was very exciting! 😂

I named my dog "5 miles" so when I walk him, I can say I walked 5 miles.

Random guy: I ran over 5 miles.

Did you hear about the song Rihanna wrote about the tin can?

It was called "S & N."

Jack and Jill ran up the hill to pop some pills,

And Jill said, "Jack can do her without here will," and Jack's penis was still.

Q: Get up for a chair joke!

A: Oh, never mind, you can sit down.

Hitler walked so Kim can run.

Jesus walked, so Mohammad can fly.

Q: How do you know when an Asian broke into your house?

A: You can't find your dog.

Here are some skeleton jokes.

You know the average person tries too hard and works himself to the bone.

If that joke didn't tickle your funny bone, I can give you a real humorous joke.

I used to play the trumpet, now I play the xylo-bone.

I'm always happy; nothing gets under my skin.

I made you some turkey for lunch. Bone appetit!

I'm glad I had you; I'm no longer bonely.

I've got a skele-ton of more jokes, but I'm just giving you one more.

Did you hear about the skeleton ninja? He was very skullful (skillful)!

What's worse than five dead babies in one garbage can?

- One dead baby in five garbage cans.

Don't go to ghostposter.com. The person or persons who run that site are a fucking bunch if dumb fucking cunts who can suck my big cock.

To the man in the wheelchair who stole my camouflage jacket, "You can hide but you can't run."

Doctor, can I please have a new butt? My old one has a hole and a crack in it.

What can a rock possibly say?

Answer: I'll fuck ya mum rock hard.