What's the difference between a bird and a fly?
A. A bird can fly, but a fly cannot bird.
Canning Jokes
If a bird flies, and a duck can also run and fly, while a cat walks, why do we drink water?
Why do orphans wanna be a criminal?
So that they can be wanted.
Mommy is a YouTuber, she can never spend time with me.
What two things can you never have for breakfast?
Lunch and dinner!
Can I put my balls in your jaws?
Can I put my baaaaalls in yo jaaaaaaws?
Roses are red, violets are purple, lay in my bed so I can suck your nurple.
Ninety percent of your beauty can be removed with a Kleenex.
Oh, were you talking to me? I thought you only talked behind my back.
Hold still, I am trying to imagine you with a personality.
You're so ugly Bob the Builder cat can fix you.
I remember I met an orphan. He asked, "Can I suck your thumb?" I said, "Why?" Because "that'd be pig."
Quoting the great Jimmy Carr: "When I cook, I make sure there are vegetarian options. They can make do, or they can fuck off."
Some marriages can make short people look like Shaquille O'Neal.
Doctor: I’m so sorry, sir, but you only have a couple months left.
The sir: My children will be devastated.
Doctor: But I have a shot that can change that.
The sir: Whatever it takes.
*Suppressed gunshots*
Why can orphans get away with being bad at school?
They do not have parents to bring to parent/teacher conferences.
Why can orphans get away with being bad at school? Because when the teacher says, "I want to have a parent/teacher conference," they just go about their day.
Your mama is so ugly even Dora can't explore her.
I swear, in America, one school shooter can take good care of hundreds of kids, but hundreds of soldiers can't even win a war. Might as well send all your school shooters over there.
Your forehead is so big you can smoke a cigar in the rain.
Why can orphans never go to the shops?
'Cause the Talibans will plane dive into them.
