Blind jokes

OK, OK, eat your shirt.

I once told a blind orphan, "Hey, look at the bright side!"

What's handsome and smart, you can hear him and see him? It's you good-looking guys! So sad you can't read this since you're blind. Oh geez, I just found this website and I want to make people laugh. Too bad they can't see the joke.

So this blind man was walking down the street with his stick, right? And he walked past this fish market, he took a deep breath and said, "WWOAAH GOODMORNING LADIES!"

Why did Helen Keller's cat run away? I would run away if my name was jufhvfhvurhkso.

So, a blind guy is sitting on a park bench with his seeing eye dog right beside him. Suddenly, his seeing eye dog cocks his leg and pisses all over the blind guy's leg. So the blind guy gives the dog a treat.

A man taking a walk saw the entire thing and said to the blind man, "That is the most charitable thing I’ve ever seen, your dog deliberately pissed on you and here you are giving him a dog biscuit." The blind man says, "Oh it’s not what you think, I’m just trying to find his head so I can kick him in the ass."

Once there was a girl named Sally! She had no arms or legs, was mute, deaf, and blind.

Knock knock Who’s there? Not Sally.

Helen Keller was a pilot in 9/11.

So, an Irish man is walking his poodle, and his buddy comes running up to him saying there’s a new pub in town and they’re giving out free pints.

So the man picks up his dog and runs like hell to the bar. But the bar owner stops him and says, "Sorry, you can’t go in." The Irish man says, "Why can’t I go in?" "Well, you have a dog, sir, and that sign over there says no dogs allowed. You’re going to have to leave him outside." Well, the Irish man thinks quick and says, "I’m blind; it’s a seeing eye dog." The owner says, "That’s ridiculous. A seeing eye dog would be a German shepherd or golden Labrador or something like that." The Irish man says, "Well, what kind of dog did they give me??"😂

My friend is blind so he can "no see."

So why don’t blind people go sky diving? It scares the hell out of their seeing eye dog.

When does a blind person know when he’s about to hit the ground? The leash goes slack.

How to punish a blind kid, rearrange his bedroom.

How do you surprise a blind guy? Leave the plunger in the toilet.

My son asked me what dark humor was, so I told him, "see that kid in the wheelchair, ask him to stand." He said, "But Dad I'm blind." Exactly.

Last week was my blind friend's birthday. I thought I would give him something really good that he may need.

As I walk into his house and give him a cheese grater for a birthday present, he sets it next to him. As weeks pass, he comes up to me. He said, "That present that you gave me for my birthday was the most intense book I have ever read!"

I just donated $100 to a blind children's charity, suck that no one will see it.

I gave a blind kid a gun and told him it was a hairdryer.

What is a blind person's favorite color?

Black.

Kid: "What's dark humor?"

Mom: "You see that man over there without arms? Tell him to clap."

Kid: "I am blind, Mom."

Mom: "Exactly."

A disabled man stands up.

A blind man says, "You can stand?"

A deaf man says, "You can see?"

A mute person says, "You can hear?"

The disabled man says, "You can talk!"

Doctor: "What the actual f**k"