Before jokes
They say there’s a person capable of murder in every friendship group.
I suspected it was Dave, so I killed him before he could cause any harm.
I'm gonna eat a hell of a lot of popcorn kernels before I die just to make the cremation a little more interesting.
People say that biting off your finger would be as easy as biting a carrot if your brain didn't try to stop you. How the f do people know that and how many people's fingers did they bite off before coming to that conclusion?
What does Jeff Bezos do before he goes to sleep?
He puts his PJ-Amazon!
Your hairline is so far back it was back on before Jesus Christ was born.
Your hairline goes so far back it left before your dad did.
🎆 New Year's Eve
Lil Johnny👦: "Every year the same, people always have to start banging before midnight!"
Mom👱🏻♀️: "Johnny, would you please leave the bedroom now?"
Dad👨🏻🦰: "Son, if you don't leave, it'll bang on your head!"
A priest walks outside and finds two young boys sitting on a big ice cube. The priest asks what they are doing. The boys answer that the priest always likes a couple of cold ones before he goes on.
What were the astronauts' last words before the shuttle blew up?
"What does this button do...?"
Joe mama's so fat, her belly button gets home an hour before she does.
Yo momma is so fat, her bellybutton gets home 15 minutes before she does.
I can find the end of time before I find your hairline.
What did Michael Jackson say before he broke up with Billie Jean?
"Billie Jean is not my lover!"
Yo mama's so fat, her belly button gets home 15 minutes before she does.
Why don’t pirates take a shower before they walk the plank?
They just wash up on shore.
What were my final words to Putin before I put a bullet through his head?
Answer: Putin, put out!
Jeffrey Dahmer was craving Five Guys before it became a restaurant!
I am a racist, and I put my milk before cereal. Well, to be honest, that was when I had milk, but one day my dad says he was going to get some... then he left.
Now when I see a black guy, I yell, "Thanks for picking the cotton to make my shirt!"
What did Michael Jackson say before he died, as far as his childhood? "This is it."
What do Middle Eastern suicide bombers say before they blow up?
I weel sho u wot da bom bom is! ALLAH!