And jokes

Gay person to girl: What’s your favorite planet?

Girl: Penus-(penis)(venus), and what is yours?

Gay person: What else, it's Your Anus (Uranus)!😅

A dad asked his son what kind of cake he wanted for his birthday, and he replied, "How about a urinal cake?!"

A man takes his dog out and steps in shit. He exclaims "WHAT THE DEUCE!"

Why did the vegetable go to jail?

He kaled a man and stole a 9-carat gold bar.

I was taking a walk near the prison when I saw a good looking guy climbing down the fence, and when he noticed me, he gave me a sneer! It was pretty condescending.

Two cows standing in a paddock, one says, "Moo." The other turns to him and says, "I was just going to say that!"

Kenny's dick is so small that instead of giving him a handjob, I gave him a thumb and forefinger job.

What's the same thing between milk and a kid with cancer?

They both have an expiry date.

I went on a date last night and told my date I worked with animals every day.

She said, "Oh, how sweet. What do you do?" I said, "I'm a butcher."

My girlfriend's dog died, so to cheer her up I went out and got her an identical one.

She went mad, "What am I going to do with two dead dogs?"

I ran into a dwarf, and he said, “Well, I’m not happy.”

Me: Then which one are you?

I ran into a dwarf and he said: "Well, I’m not Happy."

Then which one are you?

The two biggest dyslexic guy lies: "My check is in your mouth," and "I won't come in your mailbox."

I know five fat people, and you're three of them.

Why did the pillow cross the road?

Because his cousin's name was Koshin, and he didn't want to live anymore.

So you know "The Lion King."

Do you remember Simba?

Well, his dad is really strong, and he walks really fast, but Simba walks really slow.

So I told him to Mufasa.

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

"One silent evening, a man walks to his fridge to get some food. He sets out a fork and napkin on the table. He reaches to grab a salad topped with olives and cheese. He sets the food down on the table and begins to add tomatoes, condiments, and..." He is interrupted. "Why are you saying this aloud?" A young boy asks his father. The father replies with, "You wanted to know how to live on your own, but I guess experience is more helpful," he says as he rushes the child out of the front door.

What is yellow and can’t swim?

A school bus full of children.

Why did the man sit on his porch and bark at the postman when he came?

Because his dog had a sore throat!