And jokes
What did they do with Michael Jackson when he died?
They melted him down and turned him into Lego, so kids could play with him for once.
One morning, Peppy and George came downstairs for breakfast, but they got a plate of juicy bacon. Their dad had recently gone missing, so they ate it quite sadly.
The next morning, they went to school and asked their teacher, "What is bacon made out of?" The teacher replied, "Pigs, why?" Peppa and George looked horrified.
I got my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday. He came back a week later and said it was the most violent book he’s ever read.
If you get an apple a day, what does it give you?
Worms and rotten fruit.
All-star gay mix
Somebody once told me The world is gonna rape me The dick's the hardest part of the body She looked like she's having fun With her finger and her thumb In the shape of an "L" in her bumhole.
Well, I started cumming And she started cumming Fed with dick, she's in love with bumming Didn't make sense not to live for bum Your dick gets hard, but your ass gets numb.
So much to fuck, so much to suck So what's wrong with eating the asshole? You'll never know if you don't try You'll never taste if you don't lick.
Hey now, you're a porn star Get your sex on, bum pain Hey now, you're a porn star Suck a schlong, ass frail And all that glitters is cum Only sperm heads break the female egg.
It's a gay place and they say it gets gayer You're licking bum now, wait 'til your a bit older But the bent boys beg to differ Judging by the hole in the homeless man's throat.
The sperm in the bath is getting pretty thin The sperms getting warm so you might as well swim My world's on cocaine, how about yours? That's the way I like it and I never get raped!
Hey now, you're a porn star Get your sex on, bum pain Hey now, you're a porn star Suck a willy, ass frale And all that glitters is cum Only sperm heads break the female egg.
The only difference between apples and orphans is apples actually get picked.
I was walking home, then I saw a "Wait" sign. A man came and took me. I'm still waiting for him to ask for a lesson.
I was making sandcastles with my Nan, then my mum came in the room and took away the urn.
Elsa got a boyfriend, and the boyfriend wanted to try anal.
She wasn't too keen, but she just lay back and shouted "INTO THE UNKNOWN!"
Teacher: "Kids, what does the chicken give you?"
Students: "Meat."
Teacher: "Very good. Now what does the pig give you?"
Students: "Bacon."
Teacher: "And finally, what does the fat cow give you?"
One of the students: "Homework!"
How many gears does a French tank have?
One forward and six reverse.
What do you cross with a cow and a tiger? (mooigter)
You know, I got attacked by a man with cheese and a bit of milk.
How dairy!
Santa Claus gave a child a bike and a football. The child wasn’t happy. Why?
He had no legs.
How did we know Princess Diana had dandruff?
'Cause the police found her Head and Shoulders on the dash.
A man goes into Heaven and there he meets Jesus. He asks Jesus what that broken clock is there for. Jesus says, "That is Mother Teresa’s clock, it has never moved because she has never lied."
"There is Abraham Lincoln's clock. He has lied twice so it has moved twice."
"Where is Donald Trump’s?" asks the man. Jesus answers, "It is in my office, I am using it as a ceiling fan."
What is the difference between the assassination of César and the assassination of Jesus?
They were both killed by Romans.
NASA equals nugget and sh*t, amateur.
How did Jesus kill himself?
He fell from his bike.
How many times did he die?
Once on a bike and once when he fell from a cloud in Heaven.
Q: What is the difference between an apple and an orphan? A: Apples get picked.