Back

And jokes

What is the difference between an orphan and an apple?

Well, at least one gets picked.

What is the difference between a plane and a helicopter?

A plane hits a building, but a helicopter hits the floor.

At school, Little Johnny's classmate tells him that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, so it's very easy to blackmail them by saying, "I know the whole truth."

Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out. Johnny's mother greets him at home, and he tells her, "I know the whole truth." His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, "Just don't tell your father."

Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, "I know the whole truth." The father promptly hands him $40 and says, "Please don't say a word to your mother."

Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, "I know the whole truth." The mailman immediately drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, "Then come give your Daddy a great big hug!"

Stop making jokes about cancer... I might sound like a Karen, but it’s not fair... My mum died of cancer last month, and still I cry nearly every night 🙏🏻

Yo mama is so fat, she got locked in a weapon store, and she broke it down without any weapons.

Once upon a time, there was a poor man, a middle-class man, and a rich man. They were all talking about how they found happiness in their lives. The rich man said, "I found happiness through money and all of my assets." The middle-class man said, "I found happiness through my steady job and my loving household." The poor man said, "I may not have much, but I find my happiness through the little acts of kindness people show me."

And then the wall fell on them.

This 15-year-old girl wanted a cross on her room with a long nail on the end over her bed. Unfortunately, it killed her dad because it fell off the wall.

(Do you get the joke?)

(Her dad was on her, and it fell and killed him.)

Roses are red, violets are blue, when I saw you I thought of the zoo and monkeys too!

Did you hear the joke about Helen Keller? Neither did she. Did you see that one coming? Neither did she.

(She's blind and deaf)

  • 4

    • So, I was laying in bed and it's winter, so my room is always cold because the heater doesn't work.

    And I was thinking.... It would be warmer if someone else was laying here with me.... Then I laughed because who would wanna be with me. Hahaha

    I have depression, and am suicidal. Nobody knows though, let's joke about that lol.

    Why does Megan sound like a man, but she is a good singer and rapper, but then people talk about her? What's y'all rapper are singer?

    What do kids with cancer and cancer jokes have in common?

    CANCER!

    Just kidding, they are both fun to laugh at.

    I went to a sleepover at my best friend's house. He lives with his grandpa and little brother, his mom and dad. His little brother likes to run around the house naked sometimes. I can't help but notice his grandpa always looks up when he does.

    Me having a good day. Going on a walk on a peaceful day.

    My depression: hey, what's up!

    Me: go away.

    My depression: well how rude.

    Me: 🙄.

    My depression: remember that one time......

    Me: no, don't even.

    My depression: that we.....

    Me: nope.

    My depression: *says really fast*: said that one stupid joke that wasn't funny and everybody just stared at you, and then you spilled water all over yourself and it looked like you peed yourself. And you went home and cried yourself to sleep just like you do every single night.

    Me: 😳😶😟.

    My depression: 😉 don't worry I'll always be here for you.

    Little Red Riding Hood has to deliver food to her grandma again. She can drive now because she is sixteen. One the way, she accidentally took the wrong way and got to a different forest where her grandma lives now. She found the wrong cottage that looked like her grandma's home. When she opened the door, she found her younger and older sisters of ages 9, 11, 18, and 22. How old is Little Red Riding Hood?

    Answer: 16