And jokes
What’s the difference between the real Jesus and a picture of him?
It only takes one nail to hang up the picture.
What's gassy and as cold as ice? Uranus.
The teacher once said to some students, "I was an orphan before your principal hired me."
The students said, "Oof, that is sad."
The teacher tried to ignore them and take attendance. She said, "Is anyone missing?"
The students said, "Your parents."
The teacher got offended and later that day quit her job.
SCP-173 has breached containment. This is not a joke. Multiple Keter class SCPs have breached containment. This is an XK class event. Evacuate the Earth and solar system. The world is ending!
When I was young, I decided to go to a medical school.
At the entrance exam, we were asked to re-arrange letters
'PNEIS'
and form the name of an important human body part which is most useful when erect.
Those who answered 'SPINE' are doctors.
What's 12 inches long, red, and when I force feed it to my wife, she cries?
Her miscarriage.
Q: What’s a koala's face song? A: Never gonna give you up BECAUSE it hangs on the tree and the person is the tree?
A man walks into a bar... and he never walks out.
When you're in the war and you die and say to God, "Where is the gulag?"
What’s the difference between Jesus and Maddie McCann?
One had the last supper.
What's the difference between a BMW and a porcupine?
Unlike the porcupine, the pricks are on the inside.
What's the difference between a BMW and a porcupine? Unlike the porcupine, the pricks are on the inside.
Making fun of someone you're angry with is childish. Be an adult and hit them with your car <3
I was using my computer one time and I pressed Ctrl-Alt-Delete, and Stephen Hawking went into a deep sleep.
"I'm sorry" and "I apologize" mean the same thing. Except at a funeral.
When I was little, I would pray to Jesus every night for him to get me a new bike. I learned one week in Sunday school that that's not how it works, so instead, I just stole one and asked him for forgiveness.
Please help, my dad is an addict. He won't stop, and he eats my food.
Sometimes I think, should I kill him? But nah, he will go down with the others who did that too.
What is the difference between me and a knife?
The knife has a point.
"Welcome to Mama Mia's pizzeria and abortion clinic, where last week's loss is this week's sauce."
What is an orphan's favorite movie?
Home Alone.