And jokes

What did they do with Michael Jackson when he died?

He got so many plastic surgeries that they melted him down into legos and let kids play with him for a change.

So there was this girl and her horse would not stop following her, so she said, "Stop horsing around!"

Get it? "Horse-ing."

Why are there only 363 days on an orphan's calendar?

They don't have Father's Day and Mother's Day.

What do orphans and dinosaurs have in common?

Their parents are extinct.

What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?

An apple actually gets picked.

Toto is at school and asks if he can go to the bathroom. The teacher says no.

Then, she asks Toto, “Where is the biggest river in the world?”

“Under my bench,” he replies.

English: It's the story of two potatoes, one gets mashed and the other screams “Oh mash!”

French: C’est l’histoire de deux pommes de terre. Une d’elles se fait écraser et l’autre s’écrie “Oh purée!”

Me and my stepmom went into the forest.

I think I hid the body pretty well, but now I have to hide the gun.

So, I was in school, and there was a number saying "696969," so I said to my mother, "What does it mean?" She said, "Your fucking dad and I!"

So, I went up to an Australian girl. She looked like she was 20, and I said, "Can I have your phone number, sweetheart?" She said, "696969." I said, "Oh, haha, okay." A few days later, her mother called me and said she's 15.

Why is Sally on TikTok?

Because she wants followers, so follow carcar1431 and xox.meg.xox1.

Why did Sally fall dead?

Because she was on top of a tower and fell because she had no arms. Hahahahaha!

What's the difference between a porn star and a mosquito?

One stops sucking when you smack it.

Why do you let your dads sleep so they don't get grumpy and eat your dinner?

My 3 year old sister kept saying, "I like your cut, G." Every time she does, I dodge and close my eyes, but she's the one who always ends up running.

What is an animal that kids get for Christmas and can easily give to someone else?

A white elephant.

Life is like a game of poker, guys start by going with them clubs, ladies follow with a set of hearts, guys put down the diamonds, and before you know it you got a full house.

Dad: Son, who do you want to marry when you grow up?

Son: A ugly girl.

Dad: Why not a pretty girl?

Son: A pretty one might run away.

Dad: So an ugly one might too.

Son: Yeah, but who cares?

Hey, Mom, I'm back from the circus parade. It was amazing! First came the elephants, then came the tigers in the cage, and then came a beautiful lady on a white stallion. Oh, and what came after her?

Asked the mother, "Dad and every sailor in the state of Tennessee," said the boy.

I hit something when I pulled into my driveway.

And then I noticed that my cat was missing.