And jokes

You so gay you have a fat sis and?

Your hairline goes back to when Adam and Eve were born.

I was crying at school, telling my friends my grandpa died. And they asked me what his last words were. His last words were, "Are you still holding the ladder?"

Shrek and the Hulk became politicians.

And they created The Green Party.

You're so ugly that I choked and died.

My mom said, "Don't jump off, we need you."

I said, "No," then I jumped off a building and died.

What goes in small and soft?

And comes out big and hard?

A tea bag.

Why was 10 afraid? Because he was 'tween 9 and 11.

I once went up to an orphan and they were crying, and I asked where their parents are, and they started crying more.

Once there was a man. A man who had a butt.

Once he was at this job interview and he was going to get the job, but just before the boss was going to hire him, he farted. It was a really bad one. It was 47 minutes long and so loud the windows rattled. When it was over, the man screamed and jumped out the window.

He didn't get the job.

How much wood can a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? If you woodchuck on the world with that, you have a really deep in, and he says goodbye. When he says goodbye, you're like, "if you."

If there was a girl and a boy and the boy fell, what did the boy do to the girl?

He fell for her.

Man: I'm here for the job interview.

Employer: Oh good, good. Sit down. We don't get many people for the interviews.

Man: Just anywhere?

Employer: Yeah, make yourself comfortable. Jackson, right?

Man: Yeah, that's me.

(Shakes hands and sits back down)

Employer: So what makes you eligible for the job, Jackson?

Man: Well, I'm really good at capturing the perfect shot and angle. It really takes dedication to do this type of job. Concentration and willpower, sir.

Employer: I like you already, you're hired!

Man: Wow, thanks, sir. I know I won't do you wrong. I'll work hard for this job!

Employer: You start now! Your first person is a man named John F Kennedy.

Man: What? You want me to just take pictures of him during the parade?

Employer: No.

Man: This... This is a photography job, right?

Employer: No... this is a job employment for man hunting.

I went to the orphanage and yelled "your mama" jokes.

From your mom.

I gave a blind kid a pistol and said it was a hairdryer.

An emo kid walked to me holding a rope, and asked: "Do you want to join my family tree?"

I went to a depressed person and said, "Do you wanna hang with me?"

What's the difference between an orphan and an apple tree?

Apples get picked.

China is as fake as bitches with plastic surgery, and they talk about body positivity.

What do orphans and sperm donor kids have in common? They don't have dads.