And jokes

Add joke

Michael Jackson goes to his favorite bakery and says to the workers, "This is my favorite baker, hehe."

I don't like making 9/11 jokes because every joke about 9/11 I make has a tendency to crash and burn.

Bully: "Hey little Timmy, you look like an ugly rat."

Timmy: "Well, at least I'm a good chef and I'm in a movie, unlike you."

Bully: Dies from embarrassment. 😱

What's the difference between an orphan and a flower?

The flowers actually get picked.

That awkward moment when you thought the guy was a pretty good magician, and only then realize he simply suffers from leprosy.

I called a suicide hotline in Iraq... They got excited and asked if I could drive a truck.

Titanic: And I’m nominating all passengers for the Ice Bucket Challenge!

A kid calls out for his mom one day while he is in the tub and says, "Mom come quick! I'm walking on water!"

And the mom runs in and says, "I knew evon whatent yo daddy! I ain't never slept with him a day my life!"

"Batteries, batteries, who the batteries in your remotes and everything else you got in your house is turned upside down?"

Why should you be friends with emos? Because you get to scan their bar code for 20% off, and when it expires, they get rid of themselves.

If Will Smith had a revolver and said, "Who fucked my wife?" Chris Rock would say, "You don't have enough bullets, mate."

What’s the difference between a normal kid and an Emo?

When you feel an Emo's arm, there’s lots of texture! Feels great, too!

Teacher: What's 3 minus 1? Me: I don't know. Teacher: How about this, you have three cakes, I take one. How many cakes do you have? Me: Three. Teacher: If I take one cake from your three, what do you have? Me: Three cakes and a dead teacher.

What is the difference between a hooker and a feminist?

If you want a hooker to be a bitch, you have to give her money first.

So I went to a church and I asked a friend, "Is the picture on the wall Jesus, and does it have three nails or one nail?" Oh wait, that's not Jesus, he is not doing the T pose that he invited.

Little Johnny walked into his parents' room to see them going at it.

He asked his mom what they were doing, and she said, "Uh, we're play fighting," and he's like, "With no clothes on?"

She said, "Yeah," and so he said, "Let me join you then..."