And jokes

Stephen Hawking was a spac. But if you put an E on the end, you get space, and he loved that.

What does Stephen Hawking and a prostitute have in common?

They both charge.

On one hand he was fantastic and the other a spastic. You could say he was a fantastic spastic.

She'd suck my dick and let me suck her tits.

Bro's chin looks like it's from that movie cartoon named Kronk. No wonder he got stung by a bee and took an ibuprofen to reduce the pain, but instead it grew longer.

I'm a pilot and my boss told me to fly people to New York, so I flew them to New York and hit the towers. That was a tragic story.

Q: What does a slice of pizza and an F grade have in common?

A: They're both cheesy.

What's white on top and black on the bottom? Society.

This guy looked down the aisle and asked, "Hey, are those kids all yours?" And I replied: "No, I work for a condom company, and these kids are just all of my complaints."

"Dez nuts, bell suck and she ugly."

What does a bad friend give a blind kid for his birthday?

Give him a gun and tell him it's a hairdryer.

In a thick Russian accent:

"Let's buy some vodka, pollute the earth with oil, and make insecure nuclear power plants that break all the time! Ah, yes. The mother land. A great place to be. Not like those stupid Ukrainian people who are living happy lives, they are crazy and need to die."

What does a polite mouse say?

"Cheese and thank you."

Why does an orphan go to a spelling bee?

So they can spell "home."

What is the difference between a suicidal person and you? You're not dead.

Don't make fun of the emo kid, or he's gonna bring his friends and you gotta fight the Suicide Squad.

What's black on top and white on the bottom?

rape.

Your mom is so fat, when she swam in the sea, Wales came up to her and said, "We are family, even now you’re fatter than me."

"Do you know the difference between wallpaper and toilet paper?" Replies, "No." "Gross!"

The smartest kid in my class says "is-land" instead of "island."