And jokes

When I look at you, I wish I could meet you again for the first time... and walk past.

What's the difference between Vin Diesel and an orphan?

Vin Diesel actually has family.

Roses are red.

Violets are blue.

I saw a monkey yesterday, and thought it was you.

What do orphans and deaf people have in common?

They can't hear their parents.

Yo momma so fat, when she pulled out the chair, it screamed and broke itself.

Yo momma so fat, I asked her to save me a seat, so she sat down and she saved 10, and one by one the legs started popping off.

How do you confuse a blonde? Paint yourself green and throw forks at her.

What's the difference between an orphan and a corpse?

One of them has someone to mourn them.

One day an orphan went to jail, and a big dude went behind him and said, "I want you." The orphan said, "Finally!"

Why is an orphan into worshiping Satan?

'Cause they get to call someone "master" and be freaky.

What's white and comes in little cans?

Michael Jackson.

Anthony Blinken's life sucks, and getting COVID-19 positive is the only positive thing that ever happened in his entire life!

What's the difference between a hundred decapitated babies and a Ferrari?

I don't have a Ferrari in my garage :|

What’s the difference between apples and orphans? Apples actually get picked.

A kindergarten teacher was telling a story...

A kindergarten teacher was telling a story about a farmer walking around the farm talking to the animals. She was trying to get the kids to interact, speak up, and to use their imaginations.

"Mister Farmer stopped at the cow, and the cow said 'Morning, Mister Farmer!'. Susie, what do you thing the farmer said next?"

Susie says "He said 'Good morning Mrs. Cow!'"

"Mister Farmer stopped at the pig next, and the pig said 'Good morning, Mister Farmer!'. Johnny, what do you thing the farmer said next?"

Johnny says "He said 'Good morning Mr. Pig!'"

"Mister Farmer stopped at the chicken, and the Chicken said 'Morning, Mister Farmer!'. Billy, what do you thing the farmer said next?"

Billy says "The farmer said 'Holy shit, that chicken is fucking talking!'"

Me: What's the difference between me and my grandpa?

Friends: What?

Me: I've been alive for the past 14 years.

We sped up the cycle of life and death, we gave Eric and Dylan a shortcut.

As a son, I was starting to do pranks. I told my mom’s boyfriend that she cheated on him and she doesn’t want to be with him anymore, and I told him that my mom said that he had a small penis. He left my mom, and she was mad at me. I thought it was funny.

Then I told my friend’s girlfriend that he cheated on her with another girl, and the girl told me that my friend had a small penis. He found out and wanted to confront me in my house. I wasn’t home. My friend told my mom what happened. Then my mom said the same thing happened to me. I came home one day, I saw my mom giving my friend a blow job. I asked what’s going on. My friend told me, "Your mom is my new girlfriend," and my mom said, "This is the penis of my dreams."

One day my sister was making hotdogs. My sister asked me if I wanted some. I said no. Then my sister asked my friend, and he always said no.

Then my sister said I have to eat it plain with no flavor. We have no ketchup, mustard, or onions. My friend said I got something to give it flavor. My sister said, "Okay."

My sister left the kitchen to get something. I asked my friend what are you going to do. Then he took the hotdog bread, opened it, and ran his penis all around it, and put some white cream that came out of his penis. I put the hotdogs on the bread. Then my sister came back and put hotdogs on the hotdog bread. I told my sister the hotdogs are ready. She ate them. I asked how were the hotdogs. My sister said, "I don’t know what flavor is this, but it is very tasty."

The mailman came to drop the mail off.

Me (son): I went and told my mommy that daddy is home.

Mommy tells me, "You got no daddy."

Then I say, "I hear you always call the mailman daddy."