And jokes
Q: What do the mob and pussy have in common?
A: One slip of the tongue and you're in deep shit.
Why is the cheetah super good at hide and seek tag? Because he was too fast!
What are the similarities between BTC and 9/11? They both crashed down.
What's the difference between Jesus and a picture? You need only one nail to hang a picture.
What's the difference between me and an orphan?
At least my dad came back.
Chuck: That's my sister, mister, and I'm gonna save her!
Red: snooore, snoooore
Silver: *straining to get outta buff eagle's grip*
Chuck: *goes super sonic speed and breaks outfit*
Chuck VS RED
Both LOSE!
I set a wheelchair on fire and called it "Hot Wheels."
What do you call a dude that is always high and gets higher than everyone else in the family? The alpha pothead!
If you have emo grass and don't pay attention to it, it will cut itself.
A man sees a small boy begging for money. He walks up to him and asks him if he is an orphan.
The boy asks, "What gave me away?"
The man responds, "Your parents."
I was going 80 in a school zone and the speed bump was screaming.
Did you hear they made an Emo-Hipster pizza?
It cuts itself, and you're supposed to eat it before it's cool.
What do Pac-Man and Olaf have in common?
They are both gay.
Phobos and Deimos are just asteroids in moon costumes, and Mars was blind due to its frequent sandstorms, so it let Phobos and Deimos be its moons.
The fries were the slowest in the race and they said, "We need to ketchup to the tomato!"
JACK AND JILL 2.0
After Jill went down the hill to get a pill,
Jack was screaming till his voice went nil,
And Jill screamed "Chill!"
Jack and Jill went up a hill
To pick some dill.
Jack slid down the hill and hurt his leg of skill,
And he needed a painkiller pill.
Was invited to the inauguration of an I-pad.
We were all ready to begin the event. I was supposed to cut the ribbons, but before I could do that, Penaldo jumped outta nowhere and shouted, "I DON'T WANT I-PAD, I ONLY WANT TO STATPAD!"
Shame on Penaldo for ruining the event! 😡
My friend had an allergic reaction after he ate a peanut.
We got his EpiPen to help him when Penaldo appeared because he heard the word "PEN". He tried stealing the pen, but I said, "No pens for you," and "Brentford". He cried and ran away. Shame on you, Penaldo the fraud!
I was exploring the Dubai trophy factory when someone came crashing in. It was him, Pristiano Penaldo. He held the workers at gunpoint, forcing them to make him another plastic Mickey Mouse award or he will dive and sue them for assaulting him. Shame on you, pendu!