And jokes

Wife: "Honey? What do you think about my teeth?"

Husband: "They remind me of stars... yellow and far apart."

You're so ugly that when you were born, the doctor threw you out the window, and the window threw you back.

Whenever someone calls me ugly, I get super sad and hug them, because I know how tough life is for the visually impaired.

Yo momma's so stupid, she put two quarters in her ears and thought she was listening to 50 Cent.

What's the difference between an orphan and an apple?

An apple has a family tree.

It’s about drive, it’s about power, We stay hungry, we devour, Put in the work, put in hours, And take what’s ours.

What do school shooting jokes and school shooting victims have in common? They never get old.

A goose with no beak, and you eat?

Goose beak salad, file! :)

And together we will make America great again.

You were never great in the first place.

Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a bucket of water.

WHERE DO THEY REALLY GO BECAUSE WATER CAN NOT BE AT THE TOP OF A HILL!?. I honestly think that only people with a physics degree can make nursery rhythms.

Jack and Jill went up a hill to smoke a little leaf.

Jack got high and dropped his fly, and Jill said "Where’s The beef?"

Jack and Jill went up the hill to have some hankery panky.

Silly Jill forgot her pill,

And now there's little Frankey.

Q: What is the difference between Michael Jackson & Neil Armstrong? A: Neil Armstrong was the first man to walk on the moon, and Michael Jackson f@ck$ little kids in the a$$!

I’m going to reenact the ending of Saw (2004), except I won’t stand up and shut the door.

One of my friends got a haircut, and everyone giggled and bullied him... I didn’t, I died of laughter 😂

Q: What's the difference between an apple tree and an orphan?

A: Apples get picked! 😱

McDonald's called back and they said they want their logo back.

My parents created a joke 11 years ago and people are still laughing at it, but I know it's not me because jokes have meaning.

I'm just a prom night dumpster baby I got no mam or dad. Prom night dumpster baby My story isn't long, but boy, it's awfully sad. Although I came from a hole (Although I came from a hole) I'm singin' right from the soul (I'm singin' right from the soul)

My fanny needs a blanket And somebody to spank it I miss my mam But she's at the prom So I'm prom night dumpster baby Prom night dumpster baby

And I'm takin' a stroll (He's taking a stroll) I'm takin' a stroll (He's taking a stroll) I'm takin' a stroll (He's taking a stroll) Hahaha, I'm takin' a stroll (He's taking a stroll)

Yo mama so short, she went to see Santa and he told her to get back to work!