And jokes

A boy and a girl are showering together. The girl looks down and says to the boy, "Hey, can I touch it?" The boy replies, "Oh hell nah. You already ripped yours off."

If you give someone a plane ticket, they will fly for a day, but if you push them out of a plane, they'll fly for the rest of their life.

Me and my friends jumped some orphans. Who will they tell? Their parents?

I woke up one night and it was really dark in my room. Then my TV started to float out the window. I said, "Drop it, nig-"

My wife told me she was fat and depressed. She asked me to compliment her, so I said, "You have perfect eyesight!"

"Do you want to hear a joke?"

"Yes."

"Okay, record yourself and then listen to it!"

I went up to my mom and asked how humanity started. She said it started with monkeys, so I went up to my dad and asked. My dad said it all started with Adam and Eve, so I told my dad that mom said humanity started with monkeys, and dad said mom was telling her side of the story. LOL🤣

Today, I asked my phone "Siri" why am I still single, and it activated the front camera.

POV: You are a passenger on September 11th, 2001, and you see the pilots wearing a Muslim turban.

Pilot: This is my last flight, everyone.

Passengers: *Clap*

Pilot: I became a pilot for one reason: To conquer my greatest fear.

Flight Attendant: And what is that?

Pilot: Dying alone. *speeds up towards Twin Towers*

Also the Pilot: Now who is ready to play some Jen---

What's the difference between a dog from an Asian person and a cat from an Asian person?

Only the taste.

Your mama is so stupid.

Your dad said, "You're driving me crazy," so your mom handed him the keys and said, "You can drive."

Your mama is so stupid. We were playing catch, and I told her to go deep. She grabbed a shovel and dug a hole.

Your mama is so fat and stupid. She got hit by a school bus. Her reply was, "Who threw that Twinkie at me?"

Your mama is so fat.

She went on a diet and solved world hunger!

Your mama is so stupid. She fell off a bike and didn't know which way to fall!

You are so fat that the last time you stepped on the weighing scale, the doctor said, "I want your weight and not [your] phone number."

Yo mama so fat, she eats with three utensils: a knife, spoon, and a forklift.

You know you’re getting fat when you sit in the bath, and the water in the bath rises.

I just watched a documentary about Adolf Hitler.

He sure was a popular guy. Everywhere he went, people shouted “Hi Hitler” and gave him a little wave.