And jokes
There was a fish looking for a great meal. He looks above him and sees a fly. He thought, "If that fly drops six inches, I would have a meal." Long story short, a pussy gets wet.
Bully: Shut up, motherfucker!
Me: Well, stop talking to me and I won't have to keep fucking your mother.
Once my girlfriend asked me to give her lipstick, and I accidentally gave her the glue stick.
She won't talk to me anymore.
A king ordered to execute a gay man.
The gay man came and said, "Please don't behead me, have pity!" The king replied, "I will have pity because I will impale you, let you enjoy your last moments."
What holiday can an orphan not celebrate?
Mother's Day and Father's Day.
Q: How do you know if an Asian broke into your house?
A: All your homework and the Rubik's cube you spent a year on and still can’t solve is solved. 🤓🤓🤓🤓
Why were the Twin Towers mad? They ordered pepperoni, and they only got plane.
What's the same thing between a baby and a grenade?
They both make a sound when thrown.
You know what's the difference between my basement and Chick-fil-A?
A lot of things.
Why can’t Chinese people play baseball? Because they ate the bat.
If you don’t get it, a Chinese woman ate a bat and she got the coronavirus (I think).
I broke up with my girlfriend and stole her wheelchair.
Guess who likes vegetables now?
When you tell an Asian kid it’s raining cats and dogs and he’s like, “Just open your mouth and close your eyes!”
What's the difference between saying "bloody" in America and in the U.K.?
In the U.K., it's a swear word.
In America, it's a family reunion.
A mother and son were in the backyard, and the son finished building a shed. The mother says, "You're the best husband ever."
Want to know how a joke becomes a dad joke? Just wait for it to leave you and never come back.
What do trans men and Pinocchio have in common?
Both are lying when they say "I'm a real boy."
(I'm a trans man myself lol)
Your mum is so fat and so dumb that she took a spoon to the Super Bowl.
I stole my friend's amnesia medication the other day, he was pretty pissed.
But I reminded him of the age-old mantra: "Forgive and forget!"
So recently I hit an orphan with a 2x4, and he started crying. What's he gonna do? Tell his family? XD
What do iPhones and the Titanic have in common?
There's no Jack!