And jokes
My mom gives me your stuff because you have bad grades.
Me: How about my 5 little brothers? I have A's; he has F's.
She lets him play anyway and I don't.
When my bro says "YOUR MOM" when I'm talking when I'm at school, and my friend says "YOUR MOM," me punches him;-;
Me after I watch a brother and sister do it: "Me, sister, let's do it";-;
My mom and dad: KIDS COME DOWNSTAIRS TO EAT! Me: What's for dinner? Mom and Dad: Food.
The next day KIDS COME DOWNSTAIRS FOR FOOD! My brother and sister: What's for dinner? Me: Food ;-;
When I'm chilling and a little kid ruins my moment.
My mom always said garlic powder makes everything better, so I sprinkled some on my divorce papers and my wife's broken leg.
My friend Josh made a joke about Liam's nonexistent hairline, even though Josh has massive ears and his face looks like a monkey's... if they were white.
My friend Josh made a joke about Liam's hairline, even though his ears are so big and his face looks like a monkey... if they were white.
What is the difference between an orphan and a deaf kid?
They can't hear or speak to their parents that never came back.
What's the difference between your mum and the Twin Towers?
I would smash the Twin Towers.
What’s the difference between Kendrick Lamar and an orphan?
He has family ties.
What is the difference between an illegal immigrant and a book?
A book has papers.
The first child, Daisy, asks her mother why she is named Daisy. The mother said, "That's because a daisy fell on your head when you were born."
The second child, Raindrop, asked why he is named Raindrop, and the mother said, "That's because a drop of rain fell on your head when you were born."
Then the third child, Cinderblock, said, "fxg,kxf dsdsvtg,hjer,btjh,rbtsvikvsdtxde43f."
Plastic bags look like you, dirty and fake.
What's the difference between an apple tree and an orphan?
The apples actually get picked.
A wife was cleaning her 12-year-old son’s bedroom when she found a load of serious bondage gear and fetish mags. She asked her husband, “What do we do?”
The husband said, “I’m no expert, but I wouldn’t fucking spank him.”
I hate it when I go to the shop and people are like, "Oh, hey what are you doing here?"
Me: "Oh, you know, just hunting elephants."
I can't believe this!
Pizza is round and it comes in a square box, and you cut it into a triangle.
Confusion life question!!!
* Can you cry underwater? * Do fishes ever get thirsty? * Why don't birds fall out the tree when they sleep? * Why is a building called that when it's already built? * When they say dog food is new and improved, who tastes it?
What is the Mexican's favorite sport?
Cross country, wall climbing, and their favorite activity in the summer is lawn mowing.