And jokes
What can’t a person with no arms do: if you're happy and you know it, clap your hands.
What do K-mart and Michael Jackson have in common?
They both have boys' pants half off.
Me: Do you take milk before cereal, or cereal before milk?
The adult person I asked: Cereal?
Me: I take the bowl first! What do you do? Do you just pour everything on the table and then eat it?
The person: Yes.
Me: WHAT?!!!??!!
What's the difference between COVID and 9/11?
I've never heard of someone dying in a car accident, and the media blaming it on 9/11.
Yo mama so fat, she walked by the TV and I missed 12 episodes!
Do you want to know my motto when I’m bored?
Punch an orphan, who is he going to tell, his mom?
A person with a wheelchair and a football, then they are Rocket League.
What do Helen Keller and orphans have in common?
Neither of them can see or hear their parents.
In preschool, I confessed my love to my crush, and she rejected me. As heartbroken as I was, I sucked it up and went back to teaching.
What does it mean when there is a man in your bed, gasping for breath and saying your name?
It just means that you didn't hold the pillow down long enough.
What do you get when you mix LSD and birth control? A trip without kids.
Yo mama so dumb, when her computer was asking for cookies, she grabbed a cookie, smashed it onto the screen, and broke the computer.
What's the difference between Johnny Depp and an Aussie bloke in Bali?
Both are expert drunks, but the Aussie is 100 times better kept. Johnny Depp, in contrast, looks like a demented leader of a violent drug cartel.
What's the difference between Johnny Depp and an orphan?
An orphan is more capable of speaking clearly.
Hey, do you like nuts? Try our new product, deez nuts! *slam dunk* It's a bag filled with all of your favorite nuts! We called it deez nuts! *slam dunk* We got cashues peanuts wallnuts!
And it's called deez nuts! *slam dunk* Try out deez nuts *slam dunk* now! It's a bag, filled with your favorite nuts! Deez nuts! *slam dunk*
What does a roller coaster and Michael Jackson have in common?
Kids ride for free.
The Twin Towers ordered 3 tacos.
One was just a plane tortilla.
The other one was also just a plane tortilla.
And the third one went to the wrong address.
How do men like their women? Striped.
How does a priest like their children? Clean.
Why are most orphans strippers? They want to call someone mommy or daddy.
What is the difference between a stripper and candy? None. But they like it when you take the wrapper off.
What’s red and green and goes 100 miles per hour?
A frog in a blender.
What is 6 inches tall when bricked up and is loved by women?
A strong man’s biceps.