And jokes
I was drinking a martini and the waitress screamed, “Does anyone know CPR?!”
I yelled, “I know the entire alphabet!”, and we all laughed and laughed. Well, except one person, he didn't hear the joke.
Why do orphans like pedos? Because it's someone that loves them and they can call "daddy."
What's the difference between Harry Potter and a Holocaust victim?
Harry made it out of the chamber.
What is the difference between men and women?
Men have 2 heads, women have 4 lips because men do all the thinking, and women do all the talking.
Why are life and a penis alike?
Women make both of them hard.
My parents found my YT channel. I hate myself now, and I'm emotional.
SELF HARM
What's the difference between a light bulb and a woman?
You can screw and unscrew a light bulb, but you can't unscrew a woman.
I hate double standards. Burn a body at a crematorium, you're "being a respectful friend." Do it at home and you're "destroying evidence."
Yo mama so fat, she costs 15 elixir, and 3 inferno towers can't kill her!
The cashier asked if I wanted to give my extra dollar to the poor. I said sure, and I got a Cash App notification for $1.
Me, calls the police*
Me: Hey, I'm gonna commit suicide!
Cop on the phone: Please wait till we get there.
Me: Why, so you can then stop me?
Cop on the phone: No, we just want a murder, not a suicidal report on your paper... and we are all bored!
Me: Ok, my house number is *********************, ok!
Cop on the phone: Awesome! Just a sec. *whispers* Guys, I finally found someone who wants to get killed!
What do Spiderman and an orphan have in common? They both have no way home.
Why do orphans not know if they're lactose intolerant?
Because their dad never came back with milk.
You're so poor. You're just PO, you can't even afford the other O and R.
What's full of lard and is reserved as Putin's cannon fodder?
Your mum!!!
What comes in and comes out, but you should never miss it?
Any ideas?
SHIT!!!!
What's the difference between E.T. and an orphan?
E.T. can phone home.
When your mum went to the UK and wore a yellow jacket, everyone started yelling "Taxi! Taxi!"
What is the difference between the Leaning Tower of Pisa and the Twin Towers? The Tower of Pisa is more flexible.
What’s the difference between an emo and a pack of Oreos? The emo’s barcode gets longer every day.