And jokes
What is the difference between a cat and a complex sentence?
A cat has claws at the end of its paws. A complex sentence has a pause at the end of its clause.
What did Schrödinger say to Shakespeare?
"To be and not to be."
Why are quantum physicists so poor at sex?
Because when they find the position, they can't find the momentum, and when they have the momentum, they can't find the position.
What's the difference between England and a tea bag? -- The tea bag stays longer in a cup.
What is the difference between 9/11 and a cow?
You stop milking a cow after 15 years.
My boyfriend came over today and stole my milk. How dairy!
I got into a fight with 1, 3, 5, 7, and 9. The odds were against me.
Who can shave 20 times a day and still have a beard? -- A barber.
Today, a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool. I gave him a glass of water.
What's green, fuzzy, and if it falls out of a tree it will kill you?
A pool table.
What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.
How many ears does Captain Picard have?
Three: A left ear, a right ear, and a final front-ear.
What's the difference between a hippie chick and a hockey player? The hockey player showers after 3 periods.
What's the difference between a gay and a freezer?
The freezer doesn't fart when you pull the meat out.
A man walks into a library and says to the librarian, "Do you have that book for men with small penises?"
The librarian looks on her computer and says, "I don't know if it's in yet."
"Yeah, that's the one!"
A piece of toast and a hard boiled egg walked into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve breakfast here."
Two deer walk out of a gay bar. One of them turns to the other and says, "I can't believe I blew forty bucks in there."
What does a robot do at the end of a one night stand? -- He nuts and bolts.
What starts with e, ends with e, and only contains one letter? -- An envelope.
What is the difference between American teenage girls and Muslim teenage girls? -- American teenage girls get stoned *before* they have sex.