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And jokes

A very rich and famous comedian walked into a Russian bar and asked for a vodka, but the bar man (a big fan of his) answered to him: - "This vodka isn't good enough for you." - "If it is good enough for you it is good enough for me!"

How many Quebecers does it take to change a lightbulb?

4!

One to hold the bulb, two to turn the chair he's standing on, and one to sing "Alouette, gentille alouette!"

A man comes home and finds his wife in bed with another guy. "What's going on here!?" he exclaims.

The wife replies, "See, I told you he was stupid."

Old man goes to the doctor.

The doctor says, "The test results are back, and I'm sad to say you have cancer and Alzheimer's."

The old man says, "Phew! At least it's not cancer!"

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    • People with Down syndrome have a specific skill only they have; they can give a blow job and talk to you while sounding exactly the same.

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    • Bigfoot is just a normal person who covered himself in Pritt Stick and went down on Susan Boyle.

    There was a man in a wheelchair, and he got knocked out in front of a bus. He had a wheelie good life!

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    • North Korea and the Martians were fighting about who was going to reach Venus first.

    Trump steps in and says, "That doesn't matter, America is going to land on the sun first."

    The Martians and North Korea said, "You can't land on the sun, it's too hot and you will die."

    Trump said his brilliant plan, "America is going to land there at night."

    We asked our teacher many times for an atlas, and he said, "At last, you can have one!"

    Yo mama so fat and old, she lifted her boob to wash under it, and a pilgrim fell from under it.

    Yo momma so stupid... weather man says it's chilly outside... instead of a jacket, she gets a bowl and spoon!

    Yo mama so dumb when the weather said "it's chili outside," she went inside a goal, small and a bowl.

    Why does Mexico never hold the Olympics? Because everyone that can run, jump, and swim is already out of the country.

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    • Someone burgled my house the other day. It was terrible.

    They ripped all of the front and back pages of my dictionaries. Things went from bad to worse.

    Ever wonder where people got their surnames? Mr. Baker was probably a baker. Mr. Butcher was probably a butcher. And then there was Mr. Dickinson...

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