And jokes

What has 5 arms, 3 legs, and 2 feet? The finish line at the Boston Marathon.

What's red and screams when you shake it?

A skinned baby in a bag of salt.

What is Stephen Hawking's favorite shampoo? Head and Shoulders.

This man got his left arm and left leg cut off, and someone asked him, "How are you?" And he said, "I’m all right now."

What do you get if you cross a pig and a witch with sand?

A ham sandwich.

What was purple and conquered the world?

Alexander The Grape.

What’s the difference between a doctor and a pedophile?

The doctor doesn’t enjoy giving physicals.

A kid milks a cow and goes to school and tells his friends, "I milked a cow, and it took awhile for it to warm up." His brother came over and said, "We don't have cows, we have bulls."

Your mum is so stupid, she tried to take the crown off a "Keep Calm and Carry On" poster so that she could become the new queen of England.

Yo mama so fat, she fell into a pond and all the fish drowned.

What do you get when you cross breed a woman and a horse? A neigh-ga.

An HDMI cable and an electrical outlet went on a date. It didn't go well, because they couldn't connect.

Down syndrome and brownies.

So Steph Curry and Lebron James went on a vacation, and Steph Curry said, "Try not to travel!"

What's brown and sticky?

What did you think! A stick......

I always talk to my taco before I eat it.

One time it said it was having a bad day and I asked what's wrong. He said I don't want to taco 'bout it!

What's the difference between Mexicans and stoners? Stoners actually have papers.

If you have a daughter, give her the same name as the mum; that way when you call for a beer, you get two beers, and when you call for sex, you get two sex...

We should stop taking the piss out of Asian people. I mean, they already have enough on their plates... like cats and dogs.

You know your doctor is gay when he asks you to touch your toes, and then you feel a rub on your back and a tickle on your anus.