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And jokes

Q: What is red, white, and blue and fun to watch?

A: A cop car rolling over after trying to catch someone for speeding.

Two lawyers are sitting on a park bench, and these two beautiful women walk by. The first lawyer says to the other, “Let’s go fuck these chicks.”

The second lawyer says, “Outta what?”

8008135 is my favorite number.

The worst ratio is 6:9.

And last but not least, "Why was six afraid of seven?" Seven eight nine. But why was six with nine? Because when you put them together, you get 69. But why was six mad at nine? Because Nine eight six, too.

An older retired couple - the wife had grown tired of her husband farting in bed each night. One morning she put some chicken parts under the blankets in bed next to him and went off to make some coffee.

A few minutes later she hears a loud fart followed by a blood curdling scream. He comes out after a while and says, "Hon, you were right that I would fart my guts out. Took me the longest to put them back in."

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    • What do you get when you have an annoying kid, a homicidal kid, and a suicidal kid in the same room? A happy ending.

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    • Hookers are like drive-thrus; you tell them what you want, pay for your stuff, and leave.

    What's got 6 legs, 3 arms, and 3 heads?

    The finish line at the Boston marathon.

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    • What's the difference between an ISIS militant base and a Pakistani children's school?

    I don't know, I just fly the drone.

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    • What's the similarity between Catholic Priests and McDonalds? They both like sticking their meat in 6-year-old buns.

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    • A friend texts to another:

    "Hey." They reply, "What's up?"

    The first friend then replies with a simple answer, "The sky!" But the other friend intervenes and says, "No, it's the ceiling!"

    To then the first friend finishes the greeting with, "Unless you're homeless or six feet under."

    What's brown and rather bad for your dental health?

    - A baseball bat.

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    • I saw your mother get into a white Ford Taurus on the corner of Milton and Halliburton, and you're still trying to tell me she ain't got no job cause she "can't get a ride to work?"

    Q: You want to know why I don’t make jokes about 9/11?

    A: They tend to crash and burn.

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    • The other day at school we had to write down our hero and what we would do if they walked into our house. I got off easy because my hero is Stephen Hawking.

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    • Why are the same Sally jokes told over and over again?

    Because how can you tell jokes about someone who's dead?