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Why did Jeffrey eat all the ice cream in one sitting?

To make room in the freezer for his special meat.

Why are people surprised by Johnny Depp having $30,000 wine bills, domestic violence accusations, rampant substance abuse, poor hygiene, and the looks of a predator?

He grew up a Florida Man, after all.

Why do so many people hate Bill Cosby? I mean, all he did was have affairs with drunk, attention-seeking women. They literally begged for it.

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    • Dad: Here you go son, all your toys have gone to the orphanage.

    Son: Why, Dad?

    Dad: You would be bored there if there was not anything to do.

    I was at work and then a little kid came up to me and she said, "What happened to all the parents?" She sounded so confused, so I told her, "It's only yours, kid, they left you on purpose." She cried. I felt bad for a second and thought, oh well, time to get back to my job at the orphanage.

    After standing in line staring at McDonald's menu for 17 minutes,

    Me: "Okay, I'm ready. Can you help me not be sad all the time?"

    All I wanna do is *gunshots* *gunshots* *gunshots* and *click* *cash register noise*, unlearn years of trauma and maintain healthy habits and fulfilling relationships while learning how to have solid boundaries and a whole sense of self.