Wade

Registered on 9/21/2023 · 105 followers · Last active 8 months ago

Jack and Jill went up a hill so Jack could eat her candy. But Jack got a shock and a mouth full of cock because Jill’s real name is Randy.

Beer Bottle: “You break me, you get one year of bad luck!”

Mirror: “You kiddin' me? You break me, then y'all get seven years of bad luck!”

Condom: “Hahaha...”

Life is like a penis: women make it hard for no reason.

Maria went home happy, telling her mother about how she earned $20 by climbing a tree. Her mom responded, "Maria, they just wanted to see your panties!" Maria replied, "See Mom, I was smart, I took them off!"

A blonde really got tired of all blonde jokes and decided to hang herself in the bathroom. As she locked the door, she yelled at her husband, "I'm hanging myself because I'm tired of jokes about us blondes being stupid!" Her husband broke into the bathroom and saw his wife with a rope tied on her toe. The husband said, "I thought you were hanging yourself." She said, "Yes, I am!" The husband replied, "Usually when people hang themselves, they tie the rope around their neck, so why is yours tied on your toe?" She said, "I tried that, but I couldn't breathe."

I told the emo girl that I bet she's jealous of the hanging lights in the gym.

Is Google male or female? Female, because it doesn't let you finish a sentence before making a suggestion.

A husband comes home from work one day, and his wife is watching the Food Network. The husband asks, "Why do you watch that? You still can’t cook," and the wife responds, "Why do you watch porn? You still can’t fuck."

Jill goes home one night with a guy she met at a club. He's tall, super hot, and seems different than most guys she meets. They arrive at his place and head straight to his room. Jill can't help but notice a shelf full of teddy bears. On the bottom are small teddy bears, on the middle are medium-sized teddy bears, and finally, on the top are large teddy bears, all lined up beside each other.

She begins to think that he is sentimental and sweet, and isn't afraid to show it. Her heart melts and she want to give him the best night of his life. She gives him a blowjob, and lets him really give it to her, and even takes it in the rear! In the morning, she slowly gets dressed, and smiles at him and asks, "How was that?" He nods and says, "Not too fuckin' bad at all. Help yourself to a prize on the second shelf!"

I was sitting in a bar one day and two really large women came in, talking in an interesting accent. So I said, "Cool accent, are you two ladies from Ireland?" One of them snarled at me, "It's Wales, Dumbo!" So I corrected myself, "My apologies, so are you two whales from Ireland?"

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: “That’s the ugliest baby that I’ve ever seen! Ugh!”

The woman goes to the rear of the bus and angrily sits down. She says to a man next to her “The driver just insulted me!”

The man says: “You go right up there and tell him off! Go ahead, I’ll hold your monkey for you.”

What has an N, an I, two Gs, an E, and an R?

Ginger! You racist fuc-

People claim that Trump has Russian ties. That’s not true, just some crazy conspiracy theorists. All of Trump's ties are made in China.

What's the difference between life and a rape joke?

Life fucks you until you stop breathing, a rape joke fucks you until it's not funny anymore.

I was sitting on my own in a restaurant when I saw a beautiful woman at another table. I sent her a bottle of the most expensive wine on the menu. She sent me a note, “I will not touch a drop of this wine unless you can assure me that you have seven inches in your pocket.” I wrote back, “Give me the wine. As gorgeous as you are, I'm not cutting off three inches for anyone.”

One day a kid walks up to there mom and asks whey is my name daisy? The mom's reply is because when you were born a daisy landed on your head. The second kid asks why is my name butterfly? The mom's reply is because when you were born a butterfly landed on your head. Then you hear ooooooooohahbfisbfsdkf. Shut up brick!

There was a blonde, a redhead, and a brunette. They were all trapped on an island, and the nearest shore was 50 miles away.

The redhead swam, trying to make it to the other shore. She swam 15 miles, drowned, and died.

The brunette swam 24 miles, drowned, and died.

The blonde swam 25 miles, got tired, and swam back.

What do you call four black people in a sleeping bag?

A Kit Kat.

Boy goes to Confession Boy: "What are you doing father?” Priest: "Its called masturbation and soon you will be doing it.” Boy "Why do you say that father?” Priest "Cause my hand is getting tired..”