Shower thoughts

What do you call a 90-year-old black man?

Antique farming equipment.

A man hit a woman with his car, who is wrong?

The man, because you can’t drive into the kitchen.

Why do Asians have squinty eyes?

Because atomic bombs are pretty damn bright.

I had sex with my boss's daughter.

I didn't get fired. I'm self-employed.

Girl, are you a rope? Because I want to hang with you.

Girl, are you a rope? Because I want to hang with you.

Hear about the guy who dipped his nuts in glitter?

Pretty nuts!

What's the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman?

Snowballs.

I just found out I'm colorblind. News came out of the purple.

What’s the best thing about Switzerland?

I don’t know, flags big plus.

Why'd Billy get fired from the banana factory?

He kept throwing with the bent one.

Would you rather get a massage from a man or get major surgery from a woman?

How do you know a woman is blind?

Because she can’t see the kitchen or the laundry.

How do you know a woman is blind?

Because she can’t see the kitchen or the laundry.

What makes an ISIS joke funny?

The execution.

I joined ISIS to help my self-esteem issues.

Everyone kept telling me, "You’re the bomb!"

What's the difference between a Syrian kindergarten and an ISIS hospital?

I wouldn't know, I'm just the drone operator.

It only takes 4 inches to please a woman.

And it doesn’t matter if it’s credit or debit.

Tell a woman she’s beautiful a hundred times, and she won’t believe you.

Tell a woman she’s fat once, and she will remember it for the rest of her life.

This morning I was beaten up by a busty woman in an elevator.

I was staring at boobs, and she said, "Press One?"

So I did...

I don't remember much after that.