Yo mama so dumb, when the doctor told her she had coronavirus, she bought a new laptop.
GG Miller
If you're that depressed, reach out to someone. And remember, suicide is a permanent solution.
LIKE IF YOUR NOT BLACK
DANG, like for a Cookie
"I don't trust stairs. They're always up to something."
"Dad, did you get a haircut?"
"No, I got them all cut!"
What does a sprinter eat before a race?
Nothing, they fast!
Where do fruits go on vacation?
"Pear-is!"
"What did the zero say to the eight?"
"That belt looks good on you!"
What do you call a factory that makes okay products?
"A satisfactory."
"How does dry skin affect you at work?""You don’t have any elbow grease to put into it."
When you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.
What did Kermit the Frog say at Jim Henson's funeral? Nothing.
If you can make a woman laugh, you're almost there.
If you're almost there and then she laughs, then you've got a whole different problem on your hands.
Where did Josh go after getting lost on a minefield? Everywhere.
What's Harry Potter's favorite way of going down a hill?
Walking. JK, Rowling.
A doctor walks into a room with a dying patient and tells him, "I'm sorry, but you only have 10 left."
The patient asks him, "Ten what, Doc? Hours? Days? Weeks?"
The doctor calmly looks at him and says, "Nine."