Fire

Anonymous

Build a man a fire, and he’ll be warm for a day.

Set a man on fire, and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life.

Osama Bin Laden

Anonymous

What was the last thing to run through osama bin ladens mind? Probably a bullet.

6

Ancestry

Anonymous

when you use ancestry.com instead of tinder

4

Doctor

Too funny

Woman: Doctor, where are we going? Doctor: To the morgue. Woman: I’m not dead yet, doctor. Doctor: We’re not at morgue yet, either

3

Arms

Anonymous

Why did Susie fall off the swing? Because she didn’t have any arms.

Knock knock Who’s there? Not Susie.

Roast

Anonymous

crush: how much do you love me??

me: well look at the stars outside

crush: but its morning me: exactly

Bomb

The Special

Where did sally go during the bombing? Everywhere

Depression

Anonymous

Are you suicide, cause you’re always on my mind

8

Speed

Anonymous

When you going 80 mph and hit a speed bump Then the speed bump starts screaming

7

Dark Humor

Anonymous

Dark humor is a lot like food.

Not everyone gets it.

Born

Anonymous

I’m not going to bungee jump. I was born because of broken rubber and i’m not gonna die the same way.

9

Puns

video games

My boyfriend just broke up with me for talking about video games too much. what a stupid thing to Fallout 4.

Orphan

Mangle Funtime

Why are orphans bad at poker?

They don’t know what a full house is.

Table

Anonymous

A blind man walks into a bar. And a table. And a door. And a staircase.

Difference

Anonymous

What’s the difference between a Lamborghini and a pile of dead bodies

I dont have a Lamborghini in my garage

Riddles

Smol bean

If you had 10 chicken nuggets and Jimmy tried to steal one, what would you have?

10 chicken nuggets and a dead Jimmy.

Last Word

Anonymous

Wanna hear some famous last words? “We are just experiencing some turbulence”

2

Ball

Anonymous

Why do midgets laugh when they run?

Because the grass tickles their balls.

Daughter

Tyler

One day a father and a daughter were at a park. The daughter accidentally kills a butterfly. The father says, “Just because you killed the butterfly, you don’t get butter for a week.” They were there the next day, and the daughter kills a cockroach. The father laughs and says, “Nice try.”

Puns

Anonymous

I went for a job interview today and the manager said, “We’re looking for someone who is responsible.”

“Well, I’m your man.” I replied, “In my last job, whenever anything went wrong, they said I was responsible.”