Surveys say that 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrhea. That means the 5th one likes it.
What’s the difference between a Lamborghini and a pile of dead bodies
I dont have a Lamborghini in my garage
Cremation, The last chance for a smoking hot body.
What’s the difference between a baby and a baked potato?
About 140 calories.
Why are orphans bad at poker?
They don’t know what a full house is.
If you say to someone “have a nice day!” It will make them happy. If you say, “Enjoy the next 24 hours” They’ll be terrified.
My dad was a master of his art; being compared to Houdini. Due his skill in disappearing.
New Teacher: I was an orphan as a kid.
Teacher: Is anyone missing.
Students: Your Parents
Jim’s car is swerving all over the road so a cop pulls him over, “Step out of the car” says the cop, “I am going to need you to take a breathalyzer test.” “I can’t”, Jim responds “You see I have very bad asthma, that can set off an attack.” “Alright,” says the cop, “then you’re going to have to take a blood test.” “Can’t do that either,” Jim responds, “I am a hemophiliac, if a wound is opened, I won’t stop bleeding, and I could bleed to death.” “Ok,” the cop answers “then I will need a urine sample.” “Sorry,” says Jim “I also have diabetes, that could push my sugar count really low.” “Fine, so just come on out, and walk a straight line for me.” “Can’t do that either” responds Jim. “Why not?” Demanded the exasperated cop. “Well, because I’m drunk!”
Student: 503 bricks are on a plane. 1 falls off. How many are left?
Student: How do you put an elephant in a fridge?
Teacher:No you can’t fit an elephant in a fridge!!
Student: Just open door, put elephant in, close door.
Student: How do you put a giraffe in the fridge?
Teacher: open door,put giraffe in, close door
Student: no! Open door, take elephant out, put giraffe in, close door.
Student: The Lion King is having a B-day party. All the animals are there, except one. Which one? Teacher: let me guess the lion?
Student: No!The giraffe because He’s in a fridge.
Student: Sally has to get across a large river home to many alligators. They are very dangerous, but Sally swims across safely. How?
Teacher: Sally stepped on the alligators mouth?
Student:The gators are at the party.
Student: But Sally dies anyway. Why?
Student: no! She got hit in the head by a flying brick.
When you going 80 mph and hit a speed bump Then the speed bump starts screaming
What does a cannibal call a pregnant person?
A kinder surprise
What was the last thing to run through osama bin ladens mind? Probably a bullet.
Woman: Doctor, where are we going? Doctor: To the morgue. Woman: I’m not dead yet, doctor. Doctor: We’re not at morgue yet, either
Where did sally go during the bombing? Everywhere
My teacher said he is gonna call my dad, i cant wait to meet him 🥰🥰🥰
Dark humor is a lot like food.
Not everyone gets it.
“You’re da bomb!” “No, you’re da bomb!”
In America, a compliment. In the Middle East, an argument.
My fondest childhood memory was building sandcastles with my grandfather , that is until my mom took the urn away from me
I opened a company selling landmines disguised as prayer mats. Prophets are going through the roof