My grandfather has the heart of a lion... And a lifetime ban from the zoo.
I was digging in our garden when I found a chest full of gold coins. I was about to run straight home to tell my wife about it, but then I remembered why I was digging in our garden.
A blind man walks into a bar. And a table. And a door. And a staircase.
Remember if you are suffering from paronia ...
You are not alone
A woman goes into labor with her child. The doctor says that they have invented a new device to transfer the pain of child birth to the father. He asks if it is ok to use the new device. The couple agrees and so he turns the pain to the father to 10%. The man feels nothing. They then bump it up to 20%. He still feels nothing. They keep doing this until they have the machine up to 100%. The man still felt nothing so they go home happy, until they find the milkman dead on the porch.
I wasn't planning on going for a run today, but those cops came out of nowhere.
My mom died when we couldn’t remember her blood type. As she died, she kept telling us to “be positive,” but it’s hard without her.
I screamed "Jenga" today in class while watching a 9/11 documentary.
1 like = 1 more child in my blender
A man gats kicked out of police camp after writing "Who's that Pokémon" next to all of the chalk outlines
Suicide is never the answer Suicide is the question The answer is yes
I saw a little kid crying yesterday, so I asked him where his parents were. God, I love working at an orphanage.
i got kicked out of the hospital cause i told all the Covid-19 patents to stay positive.
I showed my girlfriend my shotgun yesterday. It really blew her away.
So sad when the emo kid tried to give a high five to a tree
To bad he left him hanging
What's yellow and can't swim? A bus full of children
What game does an emo hate the most?
Cut the Rope
Last night in bed, I was gazing up at the stars and was thinking to myself, "Where the f*ck is my roof?"
What type of cookie has an orphan never had? Homemade cookies.
If you're ever bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
