My teacher said he is gonna call my dad, i cant wait to meet him 🥰🥰🥰
Woman: "Doctor, where are we going?" Doctor: "To the morgue." Woman: "I'm not dead yet, doctor." Doctor: "We're not at the morgue yet, either."
There’s nothing more depressing than a failed suicide attempt.
What's the difference between a baby and a baked potato?
About 140 calories.
Roses are red,my name is Dan,I have a gun,GET IN THE VAN!
I kicked a soccer ball at the kid in the wheelchair. Now we're playing Rocket League.
Why can't orphans go on school trips?
"Parents signature _________"
Why is 10 so scared. Cause it was in the middle of 9/11
A priest and a rabbi run out of a burning church and the Priest says "what about the children" the rabbi says "fuck the children" and the Priest says "do you think we'll have time
When you going 80 mph and hit a speed bump Then the speed bump starts screaming
What do white people and fences have in common? They both get jumped by Mexicans.
walk in to a gun store everything was half off I didn't know back to school shopping started
Dark humor is a lot like food.
Not everyone gets it.
There are five cows on a farm, one mamma cow and four baby calves. The first baby walks up to the mom and asks, "Momma, why is my name Rose?" The mommy cow replies, "Well honey, a rose petal fell on your head when you were born." The next calf comes up and asks, "Momma, why is my name Lily?" The mother replies, "Because honey, a lily petal fell on your head when you were born." The third baby comes up and asks, "Momma, why is my name Daisy?" The momma cow again replieds" Well, when you were born a daisy petal fell on your head." The final baby walks over and says, "Huh Ruh Buh Duh!" The momma cow says, "Shut up, Cinderblock!"
China should be a baseball team because they can take out the whole world with just a bat.
Jack and Jill went up the hill so Jack could lick Jills candy But Jack got a shock and a mouth full of cock because Jills real name is Randy
When Jim was playing on his phone, my grandfather told him, “You use way too much technology!”. Jim then said, “No, YOU use too much technology!” and then Jim disconnected his grandfather’s life support.
What's a similarity between your best friend and a tree? They both fall over when you hit them with an axe.
You must be depression, because you make me want to kill myself ;)
Whats a depressed persons favorite drink Depresso expresso Jk bleach
