Worst Jokes Ever

Worst Jokes Ever

Marriage is like buying a car. You see one that you like and then you buy it. But over the years, it gets older, rusty, and certain parts stop working.

Then you walk into a dealership and look at all the new ones and you're still stuck with the old one. You look over and go, "But I just wanna sit in it. Just once. It's even got leather interior, it's chrome, it doesn't even have oil or gas leaks! And it doesn't squeak!"

I think I would like a job cleaning mirrors. It's just something I could really see myself doing.

I don't want to brag, I finished the puzzle in under a week, and it said 2-4 years on the box.

Three years ago my doctor told me I was going deaf. I haven't heard from him since.

"Did you hear about the guy who got the left side of his body amputated? He’s all right now."

"What's the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One weighs a ton, and the other is a little lighter!"

"A priest, an imam, and a rabbit walk into a clinic to donate blood. The rabbit turns to the nurse and says, 'I think I'm a Type-O!'"

"Why do cemeteries have fences around them? Because everyone's dying to get in!"

"Did you hear about the flasher who exposed himself to two elderly ladies in Central Park? One had a stroke. The other couldn’t quite reach."

What would Martin Luther King Jr. be if he was white?

Alive.

A pair of cows were talking in the field. One says, “Have you heard about the mad cow disease that’s going around?”

“Yeah,” the other cow says. “Makes me glad I’m a penguin.”

Why is suicide illegal?

Because it destroys government property.