Worst Jokes Ever
What is the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral? One less drunk.
A foreign man came to America not knowing a word of English and right away began looking for a job. He became a chorus teacher and learned to say, "Mi-mi-mi-mi-mi!" After that he joined the Army and learned to say, "Yes sir!" After that he worked at a restaurant and learned to say, "Forks and knives, forks and knives!" After that he worked at a candy store and picked up the words, "Goody-goody gumdrops!"
A few weeks later, there was a murder in the area and he was the first person to be interrogated by the police. The interrogation went as follows:
Policeman: "Who killed the man?" Foreign man: "Mi-mi-mi-mi-mi!" Policeman: "Did you kill the man?" Foreign man: "Yes sir!" Policeman: "What did you use to kill him?" Foreign man: "Forks and knives, forks and knives!" Policeman: "You're under arrest." Foreign man: "Goody-goody gumdrops!"
My son is so ungrateful. I bought him a trampoline and all he does is sit in his wheelchair and cry all day.
I have a fear of speed bumps. But I am slowly getting over it.
How did the Scottish man find the sheep in the tall grass?
Satisfying.
My mom said the happier a person is when sick, the sooner they get better.
So I went to the hospital, hooked up everyone's breathing masks to laughing gas.
What does milk and a kid with cancer have in common?
An expiration date.
Did you hear about the Pillsbury Dough Boy? He died of a yeast infection.
What is a pedophile's favorite dating site?
Kinder
Yo mama so fat, when she sat on Walmart, the prices went down.
Yo mama so stupid that, when she heard about cookies on the internet, she ate her computer.
What do you get when you combine a priest and lawyer? A Father-in-law.
What do you call a convict in prison for touching little girls? A boy named Brandon.
How did the USA beat Japan in rapping?
By dropping two of the biggest roasts.
What do you say to a pedophile at the beach?
Get out of my son!
Did you fall from heaven? Because you really did a damage on your face.
They are making a movie about clocks.
It’s about time.
What mental illness do terrorists suffer from?
Intermittent Explosive Disorder (IED).
Woman: "Doctor, where are we going?"
Doctor: "To the morgue."
Woman: "I'm not dead yet, doctor."
Doctor: "We're not at the morgue yet, either."
A man broke into Stevie Wonder's house and threatened to kill his wife.
He just turned a blind eye.