Worst Jokes Ever
What do you call a chicken looking at a bowl of salad?
A chicken sees a salad (chicken Caesar salad).
What's the difference between your jokes and your penis? Nobody laughs at your jokes.
My girlfriend's a porn star.
She'd kill me if she found out.
What had more brains than Hitler? The wall behind him.
I was cooking eggs the other day. It was very egg-citing, although, I was exaggerating, but, if you think that wasn’t funny to you, then you’re hard-boiled. That’s all for today, yolks! So I said before several cats starting fighting, that sh*t was a catastrophe. These kittens were all like “You’ve gotta be kitten me.” Meanwhile, in the ocean, they just waved, see what I did there? You shore you didn’t? Oh, alright, that’s okay bud- I guess these ocean puns are too deep for you. No? Okay- but, you know why the skeleton was lonely, eh? Oh, cause he had no body. Why didn’t the skeleton ask the girl out? He didn’t have the guts. What did the skeleton do to his gf? He boned her. No? Alright. Those didn’t make you laugh? Maybe I should hit your funny bone.
What's a perfect example of poor management? A prostitute getting pregnant.
What do you get when you have an annoying kid, a homicidal kid, and a suicidal kid in the same room? A happy ending.
What's the difference between a feminist and Kim Jong Un?
Kim Jong Un has rights.
At school, Little Johnny’s classmate tells him that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, so it’s very easy to blackmail them by saying, “I know the whole truth.” Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out.
Johnny’s mother greets him at home, and he tells her, “I know the whole truth.” His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, “Just don’t tell your father.” Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, “I know the whole truth.” The father promptly hands him $40 and says, “Please don’t say a word to your mother.”
Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, “I know the whole truth.” The mailman immediately drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, “Then come give your Daddy a great big hug!”
What fruit always feels depressed?
A blueberry.
What’s the best part about twenty-eight year olds?
There’s twenty of them.
They laughed at my crayon drawing.
I laughed at their chalk outline.
Where did Suzy go after getting lost on a minefield?
"Everywhere."
What's the difference between cancer and a Nazi? Cancer doesn't discriminate.
I wasn't planning on going for a run today, but those cops came out of nowhere.
The other day at school we had to write down our hero and what we would do if they walked into our house. I got off easy because my hero is Stephen Hawking.
Who are the fastest readers of all time?
People who jumped out of the Twin Towers. Why? Because they went through 13 stories within 5 seconds.
I broke up with my deaf girlfriend because she never listened to me.
8008135 is my favorite number.
The worst ratio is 6:9.
And last but not least, "Why was six afraid of seven?" Seven eight nine. But why was six with nine? Because when you put them together, you get 69. But why was six mad at nine? Because Nine eight six, too.
Who would win?
The laws of the Catholic Church which have been effective for over 900 years,
Or one horny Henry?