Worst Jokes Ever
We need more women in the military! They can bleed for weeks and still not die!
If an illegal immigrant fights against a child molester, would that be "Alien vs Predator"?
Well, tell her that Halloween is the best holiday because you can hide Easter eggs under the Christmas tree while eating a big Thanksgiving turkey.
I was going to kill myself, but in the end, it doesn't even matter.
Is it bad to hit an orphan?
It's not like they'll tell their parents.
What do you call a funny cow?
A cowmedian.
I'd tell a joke about my abusive dad, but I only remember the punch line.
What does it take to paint a wall red? Kurt Cobain and his shotgun.
What's one thing gay people can't draw?
A straight line.
What's the difference between you and Jesus? Your parents remember Jesus's birth date.
Roses are red, my name is Dan, I have a gun, GET IN THE VAN!
Q: When and where was the biggest BBQ ever?
A: Hiroshima, Japan 1946.
*bowl of dark grapes*
Friend 1: I like my grapes how I like my men.
Friend 2: Black? Good one.
Friend 1: 21 at a time.
An autistic woman walks into a bar. "A serving of Screaming Banshee, please," she says.
The bartender says, "Ok, you seem to like it, unlike a retired special ed teacher that passed through a few minutes ago."
What did the elephant say to the naked man?
"It's nice, but can it pick up peanuts?"
*Hears the news about Sandy Hook* Person 1: "God, I can only imagine what was going through those kids' heads in the last moments of their lives..."
Person 2: "Probably Bullets."
Person 1: "OMG!! Can you even think of what their parents are going through?!"
Person 2: "Probably Coffin Brochures."
Person 1: "...."
Person 2: "It's called dark humor. Dark humor is like food, not everyone gets it."
What did Paul Revere yell during a full moon?
The British are cumming! The British are cumming!
Today I donated my watch, phone, and $500 to a poor guy. You wouldn't believe the happiness I felt as he slid the pistol back into his pocket.
Two gay kids made their version of the Jack and Jill nursery rhyme.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pair of lattes.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To end his pain and suffering.