Worst Jokes Ever
My daughter said I could never make a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen the look on her face when I drove pasta!
What do you call a redneck sister who runs faster than her brothers?
A virgin.
Last week I told my psychiatrist, "I keep thinking about suicide," and he told me from now on I have to pay in advance.
Eventually find me attractive.
Eventually find me attractive.
Eventually find me attractive.
Eventually find me attractive.
Eventually find me attractive.
Eventually find me attractive.
Eventually find me attractive.
Eventually find me attractive.
Eventually find me attractive.
Eventually find me attractive.
Eventually find me attractive.
I have a paper cut from writing my suicide note... it's a start...
How do you make a dead baby float?
1 cup rootbeer 2 scoops dead baby.
Allan: What are you doing Saturday night?
Museum girl: Committing suicide.
Allan: What about Friday night?
Whenever I see a dog video, I just take a second to press paws.
What did the penis say to the condom?
"Cover me, I'm going in!"
What's the difference between a feminist and a suicide vest?
At least one does something when it is triggered.
The pilot goes "We're going down!"
The other pilot yells "Down like your syndrome?"
What does Stephen Hawking have in common with a bull? They both charge.
If I'm the night guard at the Samsung store, does that make me a guardian of the galaxy?
"I'm sorry" and "I apologize" mean the same thing, except at a funeral.
Why can North Korea draw a straight line? Because they've got a supreme ruler.
What's the difference between a shooter and a bullied autistic kid? It depends on who's shooting.
I have fun going on them roller coasters that go really high up and sitting by random people, and once we get to the high point, I look at the stranger and go "wham" and unplug their seat belt.
What do you call an asian kid who's bad at math?
An orphan.
I'm not lazy, I'm just bone tired. I bet that one tickled your funny bone. It sure got me rattled. Don't try to stop me. I've got a skele-ton of these!
The worst part about church is that you're constantly switching between sitting, standing, and kneeling. I mean, why can't the priest just pick a position and f**k me already!