Worst Jokes Ever
Two Canadians die and end up in Hell. Satan decides to pay them a visit, so he walks into their room and sees them talking and laughing. Confused, he asks them why they're happy.
They tell him, "Well, we're so sick of the cold where we're from, and this place is nice and toasty."
Satan, annoyed, storms away and goes to Hell's boiler room, where he turns up the temperature.
He goes back to the Canadians' room, along the way being begged by all sorts of people to put the heating back down. He enters the room to see the Canadians having a barbecue. Furiously, he asks them what they're doing.
"Well, we can't pass up this wonderful weather without getting out the barbecue!"
Satan realizes he's been doing the wrong thing. He goes to the boiler room and turns it down until it's at a colder temperature than ever seen on earth.
He knows he's won now, so he goes back to the Canadians' room, only to see them jumping up and down in excitement.
He shouts at them in fury, "WHY ARE YOU STILL HAPPY?!?!?!"
They look at him and shout at the same time, "Hell froze over! That means the Leafs won!"
What is the one thing cripples can't do? ... Stand-up comedy.
I bet for Halloween you were a Goblin. How about you gobble deez nuts?
What happened when the emo kid tried to high 5 a tree?
It left him hanging.
Why couldn't the emo kid hang himself?
After eating through his feelings, the belt wouldn't fit around his neck.
What do JFK’s killer and a prostitute have in common?
“They both blow heads.”
Why do orphans want to be communist?
So they would have a motherland.
An old man walks to a busy restaurant. He tells the waiter what he wants and asks her, "Can I have a discount? I served in the war."
The waitress says, "Of course, and would you like that meal with sauce?"
"Nein," said the old man.
What does a mother fear most?
Hearing "YOU ARE NOT THE FATHER!" for 5 different men.
What is another name for a serial rapist? Short dress enthusiast.
"In my opinion, JFK was the best president."
"Why?"
"He was very open-minded!"
If a crippled man told stories about himself, would that be called VeggieTales?
What do you call a kid with Down syndrome trying to beat Minecraft?
“A sped runner.”
Twin Towers are like genders, there used to be 2.
What's the difference between a dead baby and an orange?
I don't keep a trash bag full of oranges in my basement.
What's the difference between an asshole and a freezer?
The freezer doesn't fart when you pull the meat out.
What do Hiroshima and Nagasaki share in common with balls?
They both drop.
What type of cookie has an orphan never had? Homemade cookies.
So I had a friend who was an orphan, and he said, "How's your girlfriend?" I said, "I don't have one." He said, "I know, just reminding you." I then said, "Hey, how's your parents?" I never saw him after that.
Your forehead [is] so big that if I drew an H on it, Kobe could have landed there.