Worst Jokes Ever
A Muslim is about to commit suicide when a Catholic priest stops him.
"What are you doing?!" exclaims the priest.
"There is nothing on this Earth for me," the Muslim says. "I will commit suicide to go to paradise and get 72 virgins!"
The priest shakes his head.
"Foolish Muslim, suicide is not the way!" he says.
"Follow me, I'll take you to the local primary school."
When I called the suicide hotline in Afghanistan, they got all excited and asked if I could fly a plane.
What makes sad people jump? A bridge.
Why did the rapist go after the mute? It would be a silent attack.
Go fuck yourself, cause I doubt anyone else will. 💅
What do lesbians and turtles have in common? They both choke on plastic.
What's the difference between my arm and my stomach? My stomach isn't ripped.
What do people get for Christmas when they behave badly? They get coal. Why coal, you're probably saying, because the true meaning is cucks of all kinds.
what's the worst thing to say to an emo?
if you don't succeed the first time, try try try again.
What starts with “M” and ends with “arriage”?
Miscarriage.
What do you call 2 lesbians in a canoe?
Fur Traders.
I'm so skinny, I could use floss as a noose.
Before Jane, was Tarzan clapping gorilla cheeks?
I forgot what a boomerang was. Oh well, it’ll come back to me.
I saw a robbery at the Apple store.
Am I an iWitness?
So, I heard the CEO gave her daughter a really good spot in the company.
Everyone is mad, but I think it just goes to show that it pays to sleep with your boss.
Roses are red, violets are blue, Shrek thought he was ugly until he saw you.
A bus full of nuns falls off a cliff and they all die. They arrive at the gates of heaven and meet St. Peter. St. Peter says to them, “Sisters, welcome to Heaven. In a moment I will let you all through the pearly gates, but before I may do that, I must ask each of you a single question.”
St. Peter turns to the first nun in the line and asks her, “Sister, have you ever touched a penis?” The Sister responds, “Well... there was this one time... that I kinda sorta... touched one with the tip of my pinky finger...” St. Peter says, “Alright Sister, now dip the tip of your pinky finger in the Holy Water, and you may be admitted.” and she did so.
St. Peter now turns to the second nun and says, “Sister, have you ever touched a penis?” “Well.... There was this one time... that I held one for a moment...” “Alright Sister, now just wash your hands in the Holy Water, and you may be admitted” and she does so.
Now at this, there is a noise, a jostling in the line. It seems that one nun is trying to cut in front of another! St. Peter sees this and asks the Nun, “Sister Susan, what is this? There is no rush!” Sister Susan responds, “Well if I’m going to have to gargle this stuff, I’d rather do it before Sister Mary sticks her ass in it!”
What do Madeline McCann and a submarine have in common?
Both are at the bottom of the ocean full of seamen!
Yo mama so vegetarian that she loves the Vegan Teacher!