Worst Jokes Ever

I heard an Uber from your eyebrows to your hairline is like $40.

You couldn't spit out a good sentence, even if you ate a bowl of alphabet soup.

You wanna hear a suicide joke? Nvm, it didn't make it.

I love necrophilia, but only if it's consensual!

What did Mickey Mouse and Michael Jackson have in common?: (What *didn't* they have in common)

Same red shorts, theme park in their backyard, white glove, soft voices, loved children, they both were black with white faces.

How many rapists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Punchline: One, but they prefer soda bottles instead.

I don't know why my boyfriend's dad doesn't like me. Maybe because we had sex?

My humour is so dark that its life matters.

Remember that you're unique, just like everyone else.

Are you a rope? Because I wanna hang with you.

"Transgenders men in disguise".... A xxx Transformers parody coming soon to DVD.

What kind of vacuum does an abortion center use? A: Dyson.

I'm going to open a wellness center for ASD kids to be able to express themselves through music and painting. I will call it Artism!

Here is a dark joke for you guys... "Why do pornstars scream, "DADDY!" in their videos? Because they were child molested by their father!"

I just quit my job at a can crushing factory.

It was soda-pressing.

What is a reverse exorcism? It is when the Devil tries to pull a priest out of a child.

How do you find a blind man at a nude beach?

It isn't hard.

What type of tape do kidnappers use?

Abduct-Tape.

I saw this really old guy with the Hitler stache, so I decided to start beating him up.

It was very weird when a camera crew came out with Harrison Ford and started yelling at me.

What does a cannibal call a pregnant person?

A Kinder Surprise.