Worst Jokes Ever
I almost got run over by a car.
For the rest of the day I was taking the backseat as I was wheely tried.
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
I have a gun,
GET IN THE VAN!!
Me, a Chinese woman, and her BFF walked into a bar. I asked the Chinese girl for her number. She said, “Sex! Sex! Sex! Free sex tonight!” I said, “Wow!”
Then her friend said, “She means 666-3629.”
What do you call a sociopath who damages a box of Wheaties? A cereal criminal!
What happened when the gun dealer found his pistol in his shoe?
He found that he had a piece in his sole!
Why did Sally run into a tree?
She is blind.
What is the best thing about 28 year olds? There are 20 of them!
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Lettuce.
Lettuce who?
Lettuce in and I'll tell ya.
Knock, knock. "Who's there?" "A bad joke."
When you see a deer, what do you say?
"Oh deer!"
Why can’t Sally hang herself?
She does not have arms.
Donald Trump is making hospitals so poor that they are using kidney beans for their transplants.
What do you call a person with no arms or legs at your front door? Mat.
What do you call a cheap circumcision?
A rip off.
Y'all wanna hear a joke? My life.
Robert doesn’t see people, the man just sees meals.
How many Americans does it take to fill the Grand Canyon?
4
One apple a day keeps the doctor away; not logging onto servers using management or service accounts keeps SecOps people away.
Three guys are on a plane: one is Asian, one is Mexican, and the other is an American. The pilot says, "There is too much weight on the plane, you all need to throw something off." So the Mexican threw out a burrito and said, "I have plenty of these where I come from." Then the Asian threw out some rice and said, "I have plenty of these in my country." The American threw out a bomb and said, "I have a lot of these in my country."
The plane crashes anyway, and the three men start to walk away from the crash. As they were walking, they found a boy crying. They asked him what was wrong, and he said, "A ton of burritos fell out of the sky and got me all messy." The men started walking away and soon enough they found another boy crying. They asked him what was wrong, and he said, "A ton of rice fell out of the sky and shredded all my clothes." The guys knew who did it but avoided the trouble. They kept on walking and found a kid laughing so hard he was on the ground, and they asked what had been so funny. The boy said, "MY GRANDPA FARTED AND THE HOUSE BLEW UP!!!"
You know every time we think of sex, an angel dies.
We ran out of dead people hundreds of years ago.