Worst Jokes Ever
And the lord said unto John, "Come forth and you will receive eternal life." But John came fifth and won a toaster.
A man bought a brand new iPhone but returned it, why?
The apple was already bitten.
What itches a lot?
Syphilis.
Jesus could walk on water, and Chuck Norris can swim through land.
Ur mum gay, lul.
Why are white teenagers the best for the army? They are good at shooting things up.
What do you call it when you drop a bottle of food dye?
"It's dye-ing."
Why did Bob fall off the swing while playing? Because he had no arms.
Knock, knock. Who's there?
Not Bob.
A rooster ran across the border from the USA to Canada and laid an egg. Which country does that egg belong to?
Roosters don't lay eggs.
Q: Who are the fastest readers in the world?
A: The 9/11 victims. They went through 20 stories in seconds.
Every moon has a silver lining.
Why did the octopus cross the road?
Who knows and who cares?
Have you ever wondered how your teachers would look if they were 20 years younger than they actually are? I bet some of them would be smoking hot. Especially my 25-year-old English teacher. I'd bang her if she were 20 years younger.
Why did Sally fall off the swing? Someone chucked a brick at her.
Why did Sally throw a clock out the window? She had brain damage from the brick.
Little Natalie was playing with matches. Her mother caught her, took them, whupped her, and told her never to play with matches again.
A few minutes later, Little Natalie was playing with matches again. The curtains caught fire, and the house burned down.
Another few minutes later, when she and her mother were sitting at their neighbors', her mother told her: "If you think I gave you a whupping, wait till your father gets home!"
Little Natalie just cackled with delight because she knew her father had gotten home earlier and gone upstairs to take a nap.
Why do disabled people get picked on so much?
I like women how I like my hair dryer: locked in a closet most of the time and only being used to blow me dry.
What do you call Stephen Hawking's wife? Siri.
How do you make a builder cry?
Kill his family.
Quit making those progeria jokes. They get old very quickly.