Worst Jokes Ever
Last Halloween, I went dressed as a woman. When I rang the doorbell, an elderly woman opened it, and I made a grunting noise and knocked the bowl of candy out of her hands.
She immediately called the police and told them exactly what happened. The officer pulled me aside and asked me a few questions. First, he asked if my parents were here, and I said nothing. Concerned by my answer, he then asked if I was okay, so I said nothing. He asked me what my name was, and I responded, "Hellen Keller."
Yo mama is so slow, they had to wait six hours for the crane to finally show up.
Yo mama is so slow, when she stepped on the highway they had to order a crane to come move her from starting traffic.
Eggs
You crack me up!
Astronomers got tired of watching the moon rotate around the earth for 24 hours, so they just called it a "day".
Stephen Hawking had pins and needles and got told to walk it off.
kanker
What unit of measurement is used on farms? Barn yards.
Why can't you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? The "p" is silent.
What do you call a moose that doesn't want to be known? Anonymoose.
What happens when you have a kid with Tourette's and a hair trigger?
The Las Vegas shooting.
One day Little Johnny’s class is having an English lesson. The teacher asks them, “Who can use the word intelligent in a sentence?” Little Mary says, “The teacher is very intelligent.” The teacher asks them, “Who can use the word fashionable in a sentence?” Little Suzie says, “They are very fashionable.” The teacher says, “Johnny, why don’t you have a go? Use the word dictate in a sentence.” Johnny thinks for a moment and then says, "Last night I heard Daddy asking Mommy, ‘Darling, how does my dick taste?’”
Ethan Rice
Why do Asians don’t wear contacts? Cause they can’t fitt.
Q: What's black, white, and Asian?
A: A panda!
Why do emos like circles? Because they can hang out with them.
Fuck you, biiiiiitch!
How does a blonde turn the light off after sex?
She closes the car door.
What’s red, blonde, and wet?
Saskia in grain.
A Ford?