What do you call Stephen Hawking's wife? Siri.
Worst Jokes Ever
How do you make a builder cry?
Kill his family.
Quit making those progeria jokes. They get old very quickly.
Chuck Norris can make 5 minute frosting in 4 minutes.
What's the best part about having sex with twenty-seven year olds?
There's twenty of them!
Who betrayed Cheesus Christ?
Goudas.
Did you hear about the restaurant they're putting on the moon?
Good food, but no atmosphere.
Why couldn’t the midget talk?
Because someone stepped on him.
Yo mama so ugly that she turned Medusa to stone.
What do you call it when a watch has too many belts?
A waist of your time.
What did the Nazi order from Wendy's?
Two number NEINs.
Why did Susan drop her ice cream? She was hit by a bus.
Your mom gay.
What does a baby in a blender look like?
I don’t know, I close my eyes when I masturbate.
Somebody once told me the world is gonna roll me. I ain't the sharpest tool in the shed. She was looking kind of dumb with her finger and her thumb In the shape of an "L" on her forehead.
Well, the years start coming and they don't stop coming. Fed to the rules and I hit the ground running. Didn't make sense not to live for fun. Your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb.
So much to do, so much to see So what's wrong with taking the back streets? You'll never know if you don't go. You'll never shine if you don't glow.
[Chorus:] Hey, now, you're an All Star, get your game on, go play Hey, now, you're a Rock Star, get the show on, get paid. And all that glitters is gold Only shooting stars break the mold.
It's a cool place and they say it gets colder. You're bundled up now wait 'til you get older. But the meteor men beg to differ Judging by the hole in the satellite picture.
The ice we skate is getting pretty thin. The water's getting warm so you might as well swim. My world's on fire. How about yours? That's the way I like it and I'll never get bored.
[Chorus 2x]
Somebody once asked could I spare some change for gas. I need to get myself away from this place. I said yep, what a concept I could use a little fuel myself And we could all use a little change.
Well, the years start coming and they don't stop coming. Fed to the rules and I hit the ground running. Didn't make sense not to live for fun. Your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb.
So much to do, so much to see. So what's wrong with taking the back streets? You'll never know if you don't go. You'll never shine if you don't glow.
[Chorus]
And all that glitters is gold Only shooting stars break the mold.
Your mama is so old that she forgot her donkey on Noah's Ark.
What did the sushi say to the bee?
"Wasuuubi!"
Why can't orphans play baseball?
They can't find home.
At a date:
He: "I work with animals every day."
Me: "Oh, how sweet! What do you do?"
He: "I'm a butcher."
What do you call an Asian? A-chan.