My friends used to poke me at weddings and say, "You're next."
So I started poking them at funerals and saying, "You're next" to my friends.
Worst Jokes Ever
There was this man, and he forgot about his wife's birthday. She was very upset and said that her present should come as fast as 1-200 by tomorrow. When she woke up, she saw a present in the bathroom. It was a scale.
When other people tell a joke, 3/3 people laugh.
When I tell a joke, 1/3 people laugh, but 2/3 people stare into my soul.
When you try to close a Google ad because it was covering content, but it was covered by "Ad closed by Google."
A man sacrificed children who played Roblox, so when someone knocked on the door, they said, "An administrator has banned you from heaven!"
Mooning is very astrological!
What is a group of disabled people in a coma called?
A salad.
A single sentence walks into a bar.
I have a trombone.
When I'm sad, I cut myself...A PIECE OF CAKE!
What do you call a gun that doesn't kill anyone?
- A VEGUN.
Some guy farts and says, "That was some asshole behind me."
I don't put ketchup and mustard on my hotdog, I relish it.
Did you hear about Paul Walker's rap?
Wrapped around that tree.
Why does Stephen Hawking always say he's got so many bitches?
Because he is never around Siri.
Two guys walk into a bar, the third one ducks...
What did the dime say to the penny? At least I have more cents than you.
My wife was going to have an abortion and I have cancer.
Ha Ha Ha
I thought it was funny.
Two gay guys are in a burning building, who gets out first? The one on the top or the bottom?
The bottom because his sh*t's already packed.
Why do hospitals have fans?
To keep the vegetables fresh and cold.