Worst Jokes Ever
Murder: Wanna play a game?
Me: Ok (pulls out Xbox controller)
What's the opposite of Christopher Walken?
Christopher Reeve.
Why did C.S.C. fail the trigonometry test?
Cosecant remember his own name.
Mwahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!
Yo mama so old the carpenter uses her crotch as sandpaper.
What grade does Sherlock hit on girls from?
Elementary, my dear Watson!
Two fish were in a tank. One turned to the other and asked: "Hey, how do you drive this thing?"
Tyler: What's your favorite fruit?
Frankie: Pineapple duh, what's yours?
Tyler: Pineapple
Frankie: Wanna come over and watch some Netflix? I'm home alone.
Tyler: Absolutely!! What time should I be there?
Frankie: Right now.
Tyler: Sweet! Should I bring a condom?
Frankie: Now enough talk, let's fuck.
Tyler: I thought you never asked.
A bicurious man goes to a gay bar.
A gay man offers him a drink.
The bi man explains he doesn't know if he's gay or not.
"That's fine," he says, "let's just have a drink."
The gay man asks him for a dance, and he explains again he isn't sure if he's gay or not.
Eventually, the gay man invites him to go home with him to hang out as friends.
They get to his house, and the gay man says, "Do you fancy having sex?"
He isn't sure, so the gay man explains, "I'll push in slow, and at any point you want to stop, make animal sounds, and if you like it, start singing."
So they get to it, and the gay man pushes in slowly, the bi man bursts out "MOOOOO MOOOOO MOOOOOOVVVEE CCLOSSEEERRRR"
If you fuck your sister in front of a redneck, are you appropriating their culture?
What pants do you wear to church? Hole-y ones.
What camel has 3 humps?
...A pregnant one.
"Fuck me."
That's what she said.
The waiter recommended the rug meal.
She said it was delicious, but it's a tassle to make.
What’s the difference between acne and a Catholic priest?
Acne waits till you’re 13 to come on your face.
A weasel walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Wow, I've never served a weasel before, what can I get you?" "Pop," goes the weasel.
A feminist walks into a bar. Her friend says, "Oh my god, your shoulders are broad!" Another woman says, "Are you sure it's a woman?"
Why can't orphans play baseball? They don't know where home is.
Three guys walk into a bar; the fourth one ducks.
You're the bus driver. The bus driver picks up twenty kids, drops two, picks up eighty. Drops seven, picks up a woman with green eyes, drops off a man with blue, kicks a kid in the face, and buried his mother.
Who's the bus driver?
You will never nose [know].
There was a dog in the middle of the room, so I called it and started to play fetch. Then my mother shouted at me for playing with my food. I missed it, but it was tasty.