Worst Jokes Ever
Pedophile: You dropped your candy.
Girl: Thanks!
Pedophile stares as she slowly bends over to pick up her candy.
Pedophile: It looks a bit dirty, do you wanna come back to my house and get a new one?
Girl: How far is your house?
Pedophile: It's that white one right over there.
Girl: You mean that van next to a dumpster?
Pedophile: Yep, it's that one.
Girl:.... Sure! :P
Audience:.........Dumbass girl.
Two scientists walk into a bar. The first one says, "Can I have a drink of H2O?" Then the second says, "Can I have a drink of H2O2?" and he dies.
You wanna hear a joke about my penis?
Don’t worry, it’s too long.
Why did Hitler say "nein"? Because he just got raped, bitch!
Why did the cookie go to the doctor? Because he felt crummy!
The saddest painting you will see is a mirror.
A guy went to the doctor and told him that whenever he drinks a cup of tea, his eye hurts. The doctor brought him a cup and asked him to drink. When he finished, the doctor told him: "From now on, take off the spoon."
What do terrorists do on 9/11? They have a game of Jenga.
"Is Mrs. Wall here?"
"No."
"Is Mr. Wall here?"
"No."
"Then what is holding up the walls?"
If Stephen Hawking had a heart attack, do you take him to PC World or A&E?
I like wine how I like my woman.
4 year old locked in a basement.
I know it sounds cheesy, but I feel grate!
One day a boy asks his grandfather for some money, and the grandpa says, “Well, can your dick touch your asshole?” To which the boy replied, “No.” So the grandpa says, “Okay,” and leaves it at that and walks off.
A few years later, the boy asks his grandfather for some money again, and his grandfather once again asks, “Can your dick touch your asshole?” To which the boy proudly says, “Yes, it can.” To which the grandpa says, “Good, now go fuck yourself.”
What do you call a girl with only one arm and leg?
Eileen.
What happens when you see corn looking at you in your window?
A corn stalk!
I wanna see Stephen Hawking on nitrous.
What was on Stephen Hawking's gravestone? "Intel inside."
So I was on Google, and on my computer it had Windows. When Stephen Hawking died, it shut down, the shutdown sound played, and wouldn't turn on again.
I was going to watch the origami world championships before it folded.
But it was only on paper view.
Someone tracked down a cripple and said, "You can hide, but you can't run!"